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Оригинальные сценарии:

ACV: Лила, сама по себе | A Leela of Her Own

Автор сценария: Patric M. Verrone
Режиссёр: Swinton Scott
FUTURAMA

Episode 410

"A LEELA OF HER OWN"

By

Patric M. Verrone

Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet




[Opening Credits. Caption: Scratch Here To Reveal Prize.]


[Planet Express: Lounge. Fry looks out of the window through
a pair of binoculars. Leela, Bender and Farnsworth sit at the
table.]


LEELA
Oh put down the binoculars Fry. The
wall of that strip club isn't going
to collapse twice in one day.


FRY
I know, and I've grown to accept that.
Now I'm more interested in that new
pizza parlour across the street. Kinda
makes me pine for my days as a pizza
delivery boy. "Here's you pizza," I'd
say. "I didn't order any," they'd say.
And then I'd be off to my next adventure.



LEELA
That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.
I think the owner is from Cygnus 5.



FARNSWORTH
Cygnoids? On our block? Flying foo!
They should go back where they came
from.


LEELA
Professor please. Society's never gonna
make any progress until we all learn
to pretend to like each other. Now lets
go over there and make these hideous
strangers feel welcome.


FARNSWORTH
No.


[Family Bros. Pizza. The owners are a man and woman. They looks
like giant fat insects with little antennae and thoraxes, but
they have the same limbs as humans; two arms, two legs, four
fingers on each hand. They are dress in the same way as some
Italian immigrants and have vaguely Italian accents. They stand
in the middle of their restaurant awaiting customers.]


CYGNOID WOMAN
You sure about these chairs? Guidebook
says human legs bend down at knee.



[The points at the chairs which have an extra part on the seat
that bends up.]


CYGNOID MAN
It's OK Mama, anyone complains, I bend
legs up for free.Ooo customers!Welcome
to Earth pizza store. Here, sit, I bend
knees for you.


[Bender sits down and the Cygnoid bends his legs up.]


BENDER
Ooo that's a-comfy!


[Fry and Leela sit down themselves.]


CYGNOID MAN
OK, now, what kind of pizza goes in
you?Silt? Asbestos? We got guano -
very fresh!


FRY
Uh, hmm, do you have any food?


CYGNOID MAN
Here, try a deep dish pizza.Contains
four kind of things.


[The Cygnoid woman cuts the "pizza" and some blue ooze oozes
out. Fry and Leela reluctantly taste it and spit it out.]


LEELA
I don't mean to offend but this tastes
like vomit.


CYGNOID WOMAN
(happy) Thank you.


LEELA
No, actually I did mean to offend a
little. This is awful.


[The Cygnoids shout at each other in Cygnoid and then burst into
tears.]


FRY
Hey hey, what's wrong? Was it something
Leela said?


CYGNOID WOMAN
(crying) We come to Earth to start new
life. Raise fat spoiled Earth kids,
hang many underwear from Earth clothesline,
live Earthican dream.


[They cry more.]


FRY
Aww, don't cry foreign people. I used
to work in a pizzeria and as soon as
I stop hallucinating and blasting puke,
I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza -
Earth style!


CYGNOID WOMAN
Oh thank you magic biped!


[She kisses his feet.]


CYGNOID MAN
You save us sir, if we cannot make Earth
pizza our dream will die. Just like
rats we crushed to make the wine.



[Fry spits out the wine all over Bender's face and Bender spits
it back.]


[Time Lapse. Fry teaches the Cygnoids all about pizzeria's.]



FRY
For starters, only use quality ingredients.
Case in point: No more live bees.Oregano
works equally well. And when you put
pizzas in the oven, don't get in with
them.


[He opens the oven door and a Cygnoid inside immediately closes
it.]


CYGNOID #2
Hey, ocupado!


FRY
Most important of all is the big screen
TV. Human families need a TV when they're
eating so they don't have to talk to
each other.Ah, the Earthican pasttime,
blernsball!


[The pitcher pitches the ball and Bob Uecker commentates.]


UECKER [ON TV]
Mulligan drives the ball, it's going,
going and caught by the shortstop. Man
I haven't seen play this bad since the
days of Bob Uecker! This is Bob Uecker
saying thanks for watching!


[The Cygnoids watch in puzzlement.]


CYGNOID MAN
Mets? Shortstop? Pinching the hitter?
I don't understand this blernsball.



FRY
Well if you're going to be Earthicans
we'll have to teach you. How about your
pizzeria plays a game against Planet
Express? Oh but you'll need nine players.



CYGNOID WOMAN
No problem!


[She shouts in Cygnoid and seven Cygnoids climb out of the oven.]



CYGNOID #2
Play the ball!


[Central Park. People dine at the Cavern On The Green café and
a dog catches what it thinks is a frisbee. The frisbee opens
and some little aliens shout at the dog. On the blernsball pitch
the teams get ready for their game. Farnsworth doesn't play and
shouts from the stand.]


FARNSWORTH
(shouting) Go team! Beat those no good
Cygnoids! Show them they stink at a
game they've never played before!



[Leela is the pitcher and the Cygnoid man goes up to bat.]


CYGNOID MAN
Ah, this is why I love Earth! Beautiful
star brightened day, friendly blernsball
game with chum pals! So pleasant for
everybody.


[Leela throws the ball and it hits him on the head and knocks
him over.]


SCRUFFY
Hit by a pitch, take your base.


[Leela gasps.]


LEELA
(shouting) Sorry about that, I guess
I needed a few more warm-up pitches.



[Another Cygnoid steps up.]


BENDER
No batter! No batter!No batter anymore.



SCRUFFY
Take your base.


LEELA
(shouting) I didn't mean to hit you,
I have some trouble with depth perception.



CYGNOID #2
Yeah, me too now.


[A third Cygnoid goes to bat.]


BENDER
Hey batter batter batter! Hey batter
batter batter! Hey batter batter!Duck!



SCRUFFY
Take your base.


[A crowd of people gathers around and starts watching the game.
Another Cygnoid goes to bat.]


CYGNOID #3
Please lady, I want to live. Can I use
bat to protect head?


[Leela's ball hits him.]


BENDER
Apparently not.


[The crowd applauds.]


MAN
Check out the one eyed bean machine!



CYGNOID MAN
Hooray! I make a score point!


[The Planet Express team gathers around Leela.]


FRY
Leela, you beaned a run-in. You'd better
let me pitch.


LEELA
But I've got a no-hitter going.You're
right. Here.


[She throws the ball at his face. The crowd cheers.]


RANDY
Don't take her out, she's a firecracker!



[Leela walks into the Commissioner of the URFL.]


COMMISSIONER
Excuse me, I'd like to talk to you.



LEELA
Am I under arrest?


BENDER
Wait I know you. You're the sleabag
who owns the Ultimate Robot Fighting
League.


COMMISSIONER
Not anymore. Now I'm the sleazebag who
owns the New New York Mets.


LEELA
The Mets? Those bums are worse than
me.


COMMISSIONER
Close to it. But they don't draw a crowd
like you. Which is why I wanna sign
you to the team.


[Leela gasps.]


LEELA
You mean I'd be the first woman ever
to play major league blernsball?


COMMISSIONER
Well yeah but basically you'd just be
a publicity stunt. I figured a one-eyed
lady skull buster might bring out the
freakshow crowd.


LEELA
Wow, the first woman ever to play major
league blernsball.


COMMISSIONER
Again yeah, but basically you'd -


[Leela jumps into the air.]


LEELA
Yippee!


[Planet Express: Lounge. Leela is kitted out in her Mets uniform
that looks like the one from the 1980's and 7/8 is printed on
the back. She turns around to the rest of the crew.]


LEELA
Ta-da! The first woman ever to play
major league blernsball. How do I look?



HERMES
Like a sexy Yogi Berra!


FARNSWORTH
Why is your number seven-eight's?


LEELA
All the whole numbers have been retired.



FRY
Wow, I must say I'm impressed. You look
just like a ball player. Can I pat you
on the butt?


LEELA
Fry I'm a professional athlete! So go
ahead.


[Fry stops halfway.]


FRY
Ohh, now I'm too nervous.


[Shea Stadium. The Mets play the Swedish Meatballs. The Mets
are at 0 while the Swedish Meatballs are ahead at 15.]


[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
Well folks it's only the fifth inning
but the Swedes have already turned this
one into a laffer. And that's with two
F's. The crowd is pouring out of the
stadium LA style.


[Cut to: Bleachers. The Mets fans start to leave.]


[Cut to: Mets' Bench. Leela sits on the bench watching the game
with the manager. Enter the Commissioner.]


COMMISSIONER
Skipper, we're losing the crowd. Put
it our new novelty act - Leela.


[Leela gasps. The skipper kicks the ground.]


SKIPPER
Darn it! I already put in the circus
clown.


[Behind them the clown cartwheels across the pitch and honks
a horn.]


COMMISSIONER
Yeah but he bunted. Clowns are only
funny when they swing away.


[Cut to: Pitch.]



[Leela walks out onto the pitch.]


[Cut to: Bleachers. The leaving crowd doesn't react.]



[The crowd turns around in curiosity. A woman cheers Leela.]



WOMAN
Woo! Come on! Throw like a girl!


[The Planet Express crew cheer.]


FRY
(shouting) Go Leela!


BENDER
(shouting) Come on girl!


AMY
(shouting) Too much eyeliner!


[Cut to: Pitch. Leela stands ready to throw the ball and a batter
takes his position.]


UECKER
(voice-over) This is history in the
making folks. Bjornson steps up to the
plate and Leela delivers.


[Leela throws the ball and hits Bjornson in the face, knocking
him over.]


[Cut to: Bleachers. The crowd gasps.]


BENDER
Bullseye!


[Cut to: Pitch. Bjornson gets up and staggers away.]


UECKER
(voice-over) Ooo! An inauspicious start
for the career of the first woman blernsballer.
An inauspicious continuation for the
career of the first woman blernsballer.



[Leela kicks the ground in frustration. The crowd chuckles. A
man dusts the batter off and the batter hands him some cash and
leaves. Another batter steps up.]


[Cut to: Bleachers.]


CROWD
(chanting) Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!
Bean! Bean! Bean...


[Cut to: Pitch. Leela throws again, the ball curls around the
back of the player and knocks him out from behind. The crowd
cheers.]


[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
Ouch! It's a three bean-ball salad.
The Mets fans love it though and who
can blame them? They haven't had much
to cheer about this year -


[The ball flies up to the box and smashes Uecker's jar. The crowd
cheers.]


[NNY Mets Locker Room. The male players wander around with black
bars over their unmentionables. Leela sits sadly on a bench but
the Commissioner doesn't seem to notice.]


COMMISSIONER
Kid that was great! You got us more
publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank.
Poor Tex, he was quite a shark.


[Enter Bender dressed in a grooby suit, shades and a headset
phone. The trips ocver the wire from the black bar generator
and pulls the plug from the socket. The black bars around the
players go down and they cover themselves.]


MAN #1
Hey!


MAN #2
Hey!


MAN #3
C'mon!


[Another man looks around and throws his hands in the air.]



MAN #4
I win!


BENDER
Oop! Sorry.


[He plugs the plug back in and the black bars reappear.]


LEELA
Bender, how did you get in here?



LEELA
Since when are you my agent?


[Bender's phone rings.]


BENDER
Quiet, call coming in.Yeees...? A
big endorsement deal for Leela? How
much...? Hey! You put a one and two
zeroes in front of that or we pass...!
Deal!


[He hangs up.]


LEELA
Bender that's great! How much did you
get me?


BENDER
(impressed) One hundred dollars.


[Ancestor & Sons Ad Agency. Leela stands behind a camera in front
of a backdrop. She holds a tin of beans and reads off an autocue.]



LEELA
(reading) As a pitcher, I serve up plenty
of bean-balls, so I know good beans
when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans - they're
the beaniest!


[She smiles weakly.]


DIRECTOR
Cut!


[Shea Stadium. The Mets play the Pituitary Giants with the score
17-2 to the Giants.]


[Cut to: Bleachers. Fans have set up Leela's Bean Counter. A
woman hangs a fourth huge picture of a bean over the railings.]



UECKER
(voice-over) In very short order Leela
has become a fan favourite.


[Cut to: Pitch. Leela knocks over another player and some paramedics
drag him into an ambulance. The ambulance moves around the pitch
to first base. There are three other ambulances moving from base
to base.]


[NNY Mets Locker Room. Leela dresses. Enter Bender.]


BENDER
You're the best babe!Hang on call
comin' in.What's that...? Hey you
put a one and two zeroes in front of
that or we pass...! Deal!


[He hangs up.]


LEELA
So what did you get me?


BENDER
(impressed) A thousand and one pesos!



[Ancestor & Sons Ad Agency. Leela shoots another bean advert
but this time in Spanish.]


LEELA
Yo soy muy malo en lanzar, pero yo soy
muy bueno en comer frijoles. Come los
Bean Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los
reyes.


DIRECTOR
Cut! OK, now do one with bean suit on!



[A man holds up a huge bean suit with a face wearing a Mets blernsball
cap.]


[Outside Family Bros. Pizza. The Cygnoids have strung a banner
over the doorway reading Leela Autograph Session - Bring Money.
A line of people has formed outside.]


[Cut to: Family Bros. Pizza. Leela is sat dressed in her Mets
uniform at a table at the far end of the room signing books while
the Cygnoids sell pizza to her fans. Fry leans against the counter
with a smile on his face.]


CYGNOID MAN
Leela really bringing in the customers.



CYGNOID WOMAN
This keep up we need to buy second sauce
toilet.


[A little girl stands in front of Leela holding a magazine.]



GIRL
When I grow up I want to injure men
by throwing stuff at them just like
you Leela! Will you sign my magazine?



[She hands her a copy of Sports Illustrated with a picture of
Leela on the cover and the caption "Leela's Beans: The Mets'
Magical Fruit."]


LEELA
Aww, sure thing sweetie. Who should
I make it out to?


GIRL
Well, uh...to eBay?


LEELA
That's a popular name today. Little
"e" big "B"?


[The girl nods and smiles, Leela signs the magazine and the girl
takes it and leaves. Another girl hands Leela a magazine. Bender
chuckles and presses some buttons on a calculator.]


BENDER
Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans. Add
a one and two zeros in front of that
and we got ourselves a wad!


LEELA
I'm not doing this for the wad. I'm
doing it for all the struggling female
athletes who need a role model.


[The woman who cheered Leela from the crowd in her first blernsball
game steps forward.]


WOMAN
Yeah, a role model in how to stink!



LEELA
What? Who are you?


WOMAN
Jackie Anderson. I'm on the blernsball
team at NNYU and I was hoping to get
to play in the majors soon.


LEELA
Oh, following in my footsteps?


JACKIE
Pft, God forbid! Your little freakshow
is making it impossible for real female
ball players to be taken seriously.
I hope you're proud of yourself.


[She leaves. Leela's lip wobbles and a tear trickles down her
face. Bender turns to the crowd.]


BENDER
Alright shows over no refunds, you heard
the robot get out!


[Planet Express: Lounge. Leela, still in her uniform, sits on
the couch with the rest of the crew sat and standing around her.]



LEELA
I'm a fool. The fans haven't been cheering
for me, they've been cheering at me.



AMY
Don't be upset Leela. You, um...you
look really cute in your uniform.



LEELA
(crying) That's what makes it so sad.
I thought I was doing something heroic.



BENDER
You are. What about that little girl
you visited in the hospital? You know
the one I mean? The one who died?



LEELA
You're right. I can't let people down
anymore. As God as my witness, I vow
to earn the respect of girls and women
everywhere. I will become the best blernsball
player of all time.


[Hermes clears his throat. He is sat at the table looking at
a computer.]


HERMES
That's statistically impossible. In
77 innings you haven't gotten a single
out. At this rate, you're sure to go
down as the worst blernsball player
of all time.


LEELA
Oh. Then I have a new vow. I solemnly
swear that I will become not the worst
blernsball player of all time.


[She thumps her glove, misses, and punches Farnsworth in the
face. Bender peers over his shades.]


[Blernsball Hall Of Fame. Enter Fry, Leela and Bender. They walk
past exhibits such as the first ball hit into orbit, Mark McGwire's
bicep and the 2927 Yankees' heads all crammed into one jar. Fry
points at a display.]


FRY
Hey look! The player's who broke the
various colour barriers!


[In the display case is a green alien, an orange alien a purple
alien and racially superior alien from the Star Trek episode
Let That Be Your Last Battlefield.]


BENDER
When will Man learn that all races are
equally inferior to robots?


[Cut to: Worst Player In History Exhibit. The trio walk into
a small room. There is a hologram of a blernsball player sat
on a chair surrounded by photo's of his "triumphs."]


LEELA
Ah, here we are - the worst player in
history. If I can be just a little better
than him I can slink away with my head
held high.


[Bender reads something.]


BENDER
It says he once struck out when his
tongue got stuck to an unusually cold
bat.


[Fry looks at a photo.]


FRY
And here he is trying to make a catch
with an oven mit.


LEELA
It's even a crummy hologram.


[She knocks the hologram's head. It moves.]


AARON JR
I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy.
Hank Aaron XXIV.


[Leela shakes his hand.]


FRY
Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play
so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron
was great!


[A voice comes from behind them. The original Hank Aaron's head
in a jar.]


AARON SR
No I was better than great. I was the
home run king!


BENDER
Neat!


[He takes a photo.]


LEELA
So Hank - the bad Hank, just how blowful
were you?


AARON JR
Well, I have a low batting average.



AARON SR
Low? It was zero you fungo! You went
your whole career without getting a
hit.


FRY
Leela could beat that. She's pitched
her whole career without getting an
out.


[Aaron Sr laughs.]


AARON SR
You stink lady! Hey Junior, she belongs
in the exhibit instead of you.


AARON JR
Forget it. This job's too cushy to give
up.Aah Wade Boggs, goes down smooth!



LEELA
Look, I don't wanna be in this exhibit.
That's why I need your help - so I can
be one tiny iota less pathetic than
you.


AARON JR
Oh I can't help you play better than
Tiny Iota, that guy was great! But I'll
teach you everything I know.


[Central Park. Leela stands on a pitcher's mound holding a blernsball,
Aaron Jr holds a bat and Fry is backstop.]


AARON JR
OK, let's see what you can do.


BENDER
One thing she can do is lodge a ball
in the depth centre of your brain. You
better get a batting helmet.


[Aaron takes Bender's head off and uses it as a helmet. He lifts
Bender's teeth so he can see.]


LEELA
(quietly) Alright, low and away!


[She throws the ball and knocks Aaron down. Bender picks his
head up and staggers around disorientated.]


AARON JR
OK try it again but this time keep your
eye off the ball.


LEELA
You mean "keep your eye on the ball"?



AARON JR
Hey lady, which one of us is in the
hall of fame?


[He holds up the bat. Fry whispers to him.]


FRY
(whispering) Psst, you're holding the
bat upside down.


AARON JR
Just pitch the ball.


LEELA
OK, eye off the ball.


[She throws the ball without looking at it, Aaron swings, misses
and Fry catches the ball.]


BENDER
Strike!


FRY
Hooray!


AARON JR
You did it Leela!


LEELA
I didn't hit the batter! For once I
was pitching and not just belly-itching!



AARON JR
Oh you got that too? I think there's
a rash goin' around.


[He scratches his stomach.]


[Outside Fenway Park. On the wall outside is a sign saying Home
Of The Green Monster.]


[Cut to: Pitch. The Green Monster plays the blernsball tune.]



[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
Welcome to Fenway Park, home of the
Boston Poindexters where the Mets close
out a season that'll rank among mankind's
most awful crimes.


[Cut to: Family Bros. Stand. The Cygnoids sell pizza to blernsball
fans. Fry smiles.]


FRY
Hey! You opened a franchise!


CYGNOID WOMAN
Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's Bean
Pizza. Six kinds of beans, plus several
things that look like beans.


[Fishy Joe eats a slice.]


FISHY JOE
Beans huh? Mmm, this is great! How to
you make the crust so fizzy?


CYGNOID MAN
Ah-ah-ah! Ancient Cygnoid secret!


CYGNOID WOMAN
My husband, some hotshot! Here's his
ancient Cygnoid secret!Live hornets!
We smush them right into dough!


FISHY JOE
I don't care if there's horse manure
in it!


CYGNOID MAN
That's a-good!


FISHY JOE
I wanna buy this franchise. How does
$100,000 sounds?


CYGNOID MAN
Forget it, we come to Earth to make
pizza not money!


CYGNOID WOMAN
No Blek! Other way around!


CYGNOID MAN
Oh right, offer accepted!


[He takes the cheque and Fry, Amy, Hermes and the Cygnoid woman
cheer.]


[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
Well fans Boston's turning the last
game into a real squeeeker! And that's
with three "e's"! Two men on and they're
down to their last out.


[Cut to: Met's Bench. Leela is sat on the bench while the manager
watches the game.]


LEELA
Come on skipper, it's my last chance
to prove I'm not the worst player ever.
Please put me in.


SKIPPER
No. We're actually winning this game.
You only go in as a joke when we're
eight runs behind. Or when our other
pitchers sneak out early to beat the
traffic.(shouting) Come on! Lets see
some fundamentals out there!And not
clown fundamentals.


[Cut to: Pitch. A Boston player hits the ball and it bounces
over to the clown. Instead of throwing it to another player he
throws a pie instead.]


[Cut to: Met's Bench. The skipper kicks the ground.]


SKIPPER
Aw, darn, darn it! Now the bases are
loaded. Isn't there a man on this team
who can get one more out?


LEELA
I can.


SKIPPER
I repeat: Isn't there a man on this
team on this -


LEELA
I've been training with Hank Aaron.



[The skipper turns around.]


SKIPPER
You've been training with the Hank Aaron?



LEELA
I've been training with a Hank Aaron.



SKIPPER
Alright then. Get in there and pitch
like you've never pitched like you before!



[Leela runs onto the pitch.]


[Cut to: Pitch. The Mets players' jaws drop and they hold their
hands to their heads.]



[The crowd cheers.]


[Cut to: Bleachers.]


CROWD
(chanting) Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!




FARNSWORTH
(shouting) Go Leela!


AMY
(shouting) Come on Leela!


BENDER
(shouting) Put it right down the pike!



FRY
(shouting) Strike him out Leela! Do
it for the hundreds of women everywhere!



[Cut to: Pitch. While the crowd continues chanting "bean" the
Boston skipper takes a batter out and replaces him.]



[The crowd gasps as Jackie steps up to bat.]


[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
Would you look at that! College blernsball's
finest female hitter making her big
league debut against pro-ball's worst
female anything! I've never seen anything
this bizzare - and I've seen Mr Belvendere
naked! Woo!


[Cut to: Pitch.]


LEELA
(quietly) Keep cool, she's just like
any other player. She puts on her sports
bra one arm at a time.


[She throws the ball and Jackie misses.]


UMPIRE
Strike one!


[The crowd gasps. Leela gasps.]


LEELA
Strike one - a personal best!


[She throws again.]


UMPIRE
Strike two!



[Leela and Jackie wipe their brows.]


[Cut to: Bleachers. Hermes wipes his brow with a sponge, and
squeezes it into a file marked Ballpark Sweat.]


[Cut to: Pitch. Leela throws the ball, Jackie swings and hits
it. The elastic tightens and breaks.]


[Cut to: Bleachers. The crowd look up and gasp. While they aren't
looking Bender chuckles and steals some drinks from the people
in front of him. Amy takes one too.]


[Cut to: Pitch. The now free ball flies through the air and into
a target marked Hit It Here And Win The Game. The target lights
up, a bell rings, Jackie runs around the pitch, the giant rats
run out and the Slurm blimp crashes.]


[Cut to: Commentary Box.]


UECKER
A grand slam blern. The Mets lose, their
season is over! And no question, Leela
- the first woman ever to reach the
majors will go down as the single worst
player in the history of blernsball...!



[Cut to: Pitch. Leela walks sadly to the bench. Jackie jumps
around with joy and the Boston players lift her up.]


UECKER
(voice-over) ...And yet tonight we have
witnessed the beginning of a great career
for the first woman to play the sport
well - Jackie Anderson!


[Cut to: Tunnel. Leela walks away from the celebrations hanging
her head in shame. Jackie pokes her head around the end of the
tunnel.]


JACKIE
Leela?


[Leela turns around.]


LEELA
Jackie. I guess you were right, I'm
a lousy role model. I'm sorry.


JACKIE
No, don't be. It turns out you were
an inspiration afterall.


LEELA
(crying) I was?


JACKIE
Uh-huh. You were so awful that women
everywhere set out to prove that they
don't stink as bad as you. You know,
like a pig or something.


LEELA
Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I
made a difference afterall!


JACKIE
You absolutely did Leela. Now please,
please retire! Immediately!


[She leaves. Leela looks at the towel around her neck.]


LEELA
Hey kid! Catch!


[Jackie turns around, Leela throws the towel and knocks Jackie
over.]


[Blernsball Hall Of Fame: Worst Player In History Exhibit. Aaron
Jr looks at a cardboard stand-up of Leela, standing where he
used to sit. He sighs.]


AARON SR
Well, at least you're still the worst
football player of all time.


AARON JR
Yeah. Yeah.


[He puts on his cap, turns out the lights and leaves.]


THE END


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