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Оригинальные сценарии:

ACV: Робоптица с планеты вечной мерзлоты | The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz

Автор сценария: Dan Vebber
Режиссёр: James Purdum
FUTURAMA

Episode 309

"THE BIRDBOT OF ICECATRAZ"

By

Dan Vebber

Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet




[Opening Credits. Caption: Now With Chucklelin.]


[Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Bender sit on the couch while
Leela perches on the end of it. Fry tears open a pack of Styro-Pak
Cookies.]


LEELA
Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious
but they produce an awful lot of trash.



[Fry takes out a small pack marked "Top," opens it, takes something
out and puts it in a weird looking machine. He throws the packet
on a pile of other packets. He rips open a pack marked "Bottom"
and puts it in the other side of the machine. He rips open a
pack marked "Middle," puts it in the middle of the machine and
pulls a lever on the machine. The machine compresses the cookie
sections and makes a cream filled cookie. He pulls it apart a
licks out the cream from the middle. Bender sprays his antenna
with something and slicks it back.]


BENDER
Ah!


LEELA
And Bender, that aerosol head spray
makes your head smell nice...


BENDER
Thank you.


LEELA
...but it's doing long-term damage to
the planet.


BENDER
So? It's not like it's the only one
we've got!


[Enter Farnsworth.]


FARNSWORTH
Good news everyone! I'm sending you
on an extremely controversial mission!



FRY
Controversial?


FARNSWORTH
Oh my no.


[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The lights are dimmed and there
is a hologram in the middle of the table of the Planet Express
ship docking with a tanker.]


FARNSWORTH
For this highly controversial mission,
you'll be towing the Juan Valdez, an
orbitting supertanker full of rich Columbian
dark matter.


LEELA
Dark matter oil? What if we hit something?
The tanker could leak!


FARNSWORTH
Impossible!The tanker has 6000 hulls.
So, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof!
Now, once you've hauled the tanker
past the protestors -


LEELA
Protestors?


FARNSWORTH
Correct. 6000 hulls.


LEELA
Why do we have to fly within three feet
of this penguin preserve on Pluto?



FARNSWORTH
(whispering) To avoid the tollbooth.



[Planet Express: Hangar. Leela is wearing her green jacket and
Farnsworth points at something on the ship to Bender. Fry walks
down the steps with an empty trolley.]


FRY
Alright, she's all restocked with emergency
jam. Let's get going.


LEELA
At the risk of sounding negative: No!
Look Professor, I can't participate
in this mission.


FARNSWORTH
What are you yapping about?


LEELA
This time it's your reckless disregard
for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna
go join those protestors.


FARNSWORTH
This is an outrage. I demand that you
hand over your captain's jacket.


LEELA
This is my normal jacket. I've had it
for 10 years.


FARNSWORTH
I said hand it over!Well Fry, or should
I say Captain Fry?No I shouldn't.
Because Bender is the new captain!



FRY
Bender?


FARNSWORTH
That's right. Being a captain is about
intuition and heart. A good captain
can't have either one. That's why cold,
logical Bender is perfect for the job.



BENDER
Well, I do think of human life as expendable.



[Ship's Cockpit. Bender sits in the pilot's seat and Zoidberg
mans a console.]


FRY
No fair. Leela was training me to be
captain. She even let me sit in her
lap and steer - in this comic I drew.



[He pulls out a piece of paper. Zoidberg turns around.]


ZOIDBERG
Ooo, the new one's out!


[He takes it.]


BENDER
Fry, the title of captain may inflate
the human ego, but it's beneath the
notice of my mighty robo-logic!Now
look spry men! We launch at six bells!



[He takes a bell out of his chest cabinet and rings it six times.]



[A convoy of protestors in ship's fly towards the Juan Valdez
which is orbitting Earth. They tow banners such as "Save The
Crested Spinepecker" and "Think Intergalactically, Act Interplanetarily."
A Green Party ship full of Kif's people fly by and a larger ship
belonging to Penguins Unlimited flies by.]


[Cut to: Penguins Unlimited Ship. A huge crowd of protestors
are gathered on the deck. Preparing for a speech is Free Waterfall
Sr, father of Free Waterfall Jr who led the campaign against
eating Popplers in The Problem With Popplers.]


WATERFALL SR
Greetings Econauts. I'm Free Waterfall
Sr, founder of Penguins Unlimited.
Whoa! No, no! No applause. Every time
you clap your hands you kill thousands
of spores that'll some day form a nutritious
fungus. Just show your approval with
a mould-friendly thumbs up!Please
hold your thumbs until the end. Now
folks, its time to stop that tanker
with a non-violent human circle.


[Leela stands up.]


LEELA
Why do we have to resort to non-violence?
Can't we just kick their asses?


WATERFALL SR
Now little lady, those people's asses
are living things too!


[The Planet Express ship beeps as it back up and docks with the
Juan Valdez, using a tow bar.]


[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit.]


BENDER
Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davy
Jones' U-Haul! At ease men!


[Fry swats a fly on his arm while lying back with his feet up.]



FRY
I am at ease.


BENDER
Mr Fry. I like to give my first mate
an informal nickname. From now on, you
will be known as...Wiggles!


[He wiggles his fingers.]


WIGGLES
The hell I will! Have you even read
the captain's handbook?


[He holds up the Captain's Handbook - Now With Pop-up Sextant.
Bender takes it and flips through it quickly.]


BENDER
I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's
first rule of captaining?


WIGGLES
Always respect the chain-o-command -
captain.


BENDER
Correct Wiggles. You've just earned
an invitation to the captain's table.



[He leaves and Zoidberg leans over the back of his chair.]


ZOIDBERG
(whispering) The captain's table! What
an honour!


[Peace Ring. Hundreds of protestors have surrounded the tanker
in a human circle.]


WATERFALL SR
Our peace ring has 'em trapped like
a tiger in a washing machine!


[The Planet Express ship's engine starts to flare up.]


LEELA
Get ready!


PROTESTOR #1
Look out!


PROTESTOR #2
Hold on!


WATERFALL SR
Here they come.


[The ship rises up from the middle of the peace ring and tows
the tanker over the top of the protestors. It flies away.]



LEELA
When you were planning this peace ring,
didn't you realise spaceships can move
in three dimensions?


WATERFALL SR
No I did not.


[The protestors' ships fly into Pluto space and pass a sign saying
Pluto - Last Restroom Before Proxima Centauri.]


[Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The protestors walk towards the
building on the icy Pluto surface.]


WATERFALL SR
Folks, that tanker gave us the slip
but we'll stop 'em here on Pluto! If
you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost.
It's nature's long johns.If rubbing
frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong,
hey I don't wanna be right!


[Penguins Unlimited HQ. Enter the protestors. The building is
a huge glass dome. In the middle of the room are holes in the
ground with bars around them. Waterfall shows Leela what is inside.]



WATERFALL SR
This here is our penguin preserve.



[In the holes baby penguins cheep.]


LEELA
Aww they're so cute! They're like if
puppies and kittens could have babies!



WATERFALL SR
We use hand puppets around young uns
to simulate a natural environment.



[In the hole a man's arm with a penguin puppet over his hand
appears from under the floor. The beak opens and the man feeds
the baby penguins little fish. They grab his hand and start biting
it and one steals his watch. He screams.]


LEELA
That's adorable.


[The man screams louder.]


[The Planet Express ship flies past Saturn with the tanker still
in tow.]


[Cut to: Ship's Rec Room. Bender has converted it to a captain's
private dining room and uses the table tennis table to eat off.
He and Fry are in the middle of a pasta meal and he is in the
middle of a speech.]


BENDER
...But I suppose it's this medal I'm
most proud of Wiggles. I won it for
saving the children of Earth from a
giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian
news, you probably didn't see it.



[Zoidberg, sitting at the other end of the table across the net,
claps.]


ZOIDBERG
Brilliant!


FRY
Would you cram a sock in it Bender?
Those aren't even medals! They're bottlecaps
and pepperoni slices.


[Bender rings a bell and Zoidberg refills his glass.]


BENDER
Thank you steward. Wiggles? Weren't
you about to propose a toast to your
gallant captain?


FRY
Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender!
He's the best......at being a big jerk
and his big ugly face is as dumb as
a butt.


BENDER
Eh, I've heard better.


FRY
If I were in charge I wouldn't treat
you like this. You're nothing but a
big blowhard.


[He knocks Bender's bell off the table. Bender stands up.]


BENDER
Sir, you forget yourself! Shut up!



[He knocks Fry's plate off the table it hits the wall and slides
down to the floor. Zoidberg looks at it and dives to the floor
and starts eating what's left of Fry's food.]


FRY
Being captain is obviously more important
to you than being my friend. I'm going.



BENDER
Going? But, a captain can't drink without
his first mate!


[Fry leaves. Zoidberg peeps over the edge of the table.]


ZOIDBERG
You can drink with me maybe?


BENDER
I don't feel like drinking.


[He takes off his hat and starts to walk out.]


ZOIDBERG
Then if you'll excuse me I see some
ravioli that only has two shoeprints
on it.Three.


[The ship and tanker flies past Neptune, Urectum and Charon and
heads for Pluto.]


[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Bender is sober and his face is covered
in five o'clock rust. He lies back in the pilot's seat and looks
like he is about to slide of as he wildly steers the ship singing
an olde sea shanty.]


BENDER
(soberly singing) Oh Greenland is a
barren land, a land that bears no green.
Where there's ice and snow and the whale
fishies blow and the -


[Enter Zoidberg with a bottle of Olde Fortran Liquor.]


ZOIDBERG
Captain please, have some liquor. You
robots need alcohol to function.


BENDER
Gah! I once knew a guy...you look like
him. But he wasn't either.I'm a good
captain.


ZOIDBERG
Please sir, I love you like a father!



[Bender grabs the wheel and steers the ship sharply starboard,
knocking Zoidberg off balance. He screams as he falls.]


[Pluto Surface. The protestors hold up signs such as "Give A
Hooto Don't Pollute Pluto!", "Preserve Our Useless Wasteland"
and "Free Chilly Willy."]


PROTESTOR #3
Here they come, oh I hope they read
my sign!


[He holds up the sign that reads "Go Away Tanker!" The ship and
tanker fly over the planet surface upside-down.]


LEELA
Bender's flying too low! And he's upside-down!



PROTESTOR #3
He must be talking on a cell phone!



[The tanker hits an iceberg and it scrapes a huge hole along
the hull releasing a torrent of dark matter oil.]


[Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. The room is flooded with red light and
the message "Danger" repeatedly flashes on the screens. Bender
snores loudly. Enter Fry and Zoidberg.]


FRY
What's happening?


[Zoidberg turns on another screen that displays the extent of
the damage to the tanker. There is a huge gash most of the way
along it's hull. A gauge at one side of the screen drops as the
dark matter levels go down.]


ZOIDBERG
All 6000 hulls have been breached!



[Fry falls to his knees.]


FRY
Oh the fools! If only they'd built it
with 6001 hulls! When will they learn?



[Cut to: Pluto Surface. The leaking tanker speeds towards the
screaming protestors and a tidal wave of dark matter oil washes
towards them. Leela sighs and zips up her coat around her head.
Her eye stares through her coat hood as the wave engulfs her
and the others.]


[Prison Cell. On the TV in the corner Morbo and Linda present
a news report under the headline "Tanked!"]


LINDA [ON TV]
Continuing our coverage of a tragic
- but far away - story. The crisis on
Pluto worsens as dark matter spreads
throughout the penguin habitat. The
images are truly horrific.


[The picture changes to oil-covered penguins. One coughs and
two others slip on the oil with crazy sound effects added. The
caption on the screen reads "Sound Effects Added To Lessen Tragedy."
Another penguin repeatedly slips over with boingy sounds to go
with it. Leela is interviewed.]


LEELA [ON TV]
I don't think any of those poor, oil-drenched
penguins feel.


[She slips over with added sound effects. The scene returns to
the studio and Morbo laughs.]


MORBO [ON TV]
Oily humanoid!At the time of the crash,
the tanker captain had an alcohol level
of .08 percent - well below the legal
limit for robots.


[A picture of Bender appears in the corner of the screen in a
pose remiscent of Captain Joseph Hazelwood of the Exxon Valdez,
with his arms up trying to hide his face from the cameras. Bender
sighs and turns away from the TV and holds the cell bars. The
Hyper-Chicken lawyer paces around on the other side.]


HYPER-CHICKEN
Son, as your lawyer I declare y'all
are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble.
But I done struck you a deal; Five hours
of community service cleanin' up that
ole mess you caused.


BENDER
Five hours? Aw man! Couldn't you have
just gotten me the death penalty?



HYPER-CHICKEN
I'd have done better but it's plum hard
pleadin' a case while awaitin' trial
for that there incompetance!


[He grabs hold of the bars. It is he who is in prison rather
than Bender.]


BENDER
Yeah, uh, good luck with that.


[He walks out.]


[Pluto Surface. Bender scrubs the penguins while Smitty and URL
watch him.]


[Cut to: Penguins Unlimited Shelter. The activists clean the
oil from the penguins. One baths them, Free Waterfall Sr rubs
them dry with a towel and Leela blow dries them. She puts one
down on the ground, licks her finger and rubs it's cheek like
a mother.]


LEELA
Now you stay away from those puffin
twins.


[She sends it on it's way. Waterfall gives some more survival
tips to people.]


WATERFALL SR
Good way to avoid frostbite folks: Put
your hands between your buttocks.That's
nature's pocket.


LEELA
Uh...I think I'll go check on Bender.



WATERFALL SR
Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.



[Cut to: Pluto Surface. Bender holds a penguin over his head
and wrings the oil into his mouth.]


BENDER
Ah, can't beat fresh squeezed!


[Enter Leela.]


LEELA
Bender, can you at least pretend you're
being punished?And clean the black
parts too.


[She walks off. Bender mocks her. Smitty and URL look at some
penguins.]


SMITTY
Are they black with white feathers or
white with black feathers?


URL
It don't matter baby, they're all beautiful!



[They hug.]


BENDER
Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here?
Oh ho, what's this?


[He ducks behind an ice rock, pulls a tuxedo out of his chest
cabinet and puts it on. He lowers his legs to penguin height
and wanders over to the flock of penguins and cackles evily.
Smitty and URL stop hugging and look around. Bender is gone.]



URL
Aww man, he got away!


SMITTY
I guess this is why chief says no hugging.



[Time Lapse. The Penguins Unlimited group heads for the Penguins
Unlimited HQ.]


WATERFALL SR
Good work everyone. I suggest you all
go get some sleep. Me, well I'm gonna
stay up all night singing songs about
penguins in a fine piercing tenor.



LEELA
Has anyone seen Bender? (shouting) Bender?
Here robot robot robot.


[Penguins Unlimited HQ Rec Room. Fry and Zoidberg play on a games
console. Enter Leela.]


LEELA
Hey, why weren't you Kong donkeys outside
cleaning up?


ZOIDBERG
They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory
job.(sadly) And eating penguin eggs.



FRY
You ate most of them. So, where's Captain
Bender? Off catastrophising some other
planet?


[He chuckles. Zoidberg slaps him.]


ZOIDBERG
Dammit Fry! He may have done wrong,
but he's still your captain.


LEELA
I'm worried about him. He didn't come
back with the group.


FRY
He didn't?


LEELA
No. And with windchill it's 20 degrees
below absolute zero. I'd better go find
him.


[She pulls her hood over her head and starts to leave. Fry grabs
her shoulder.]


FRY
Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our
disagreements, but we're still friends
and I'm gonna show him what that means.
To the ship.


LEELA
Why don't you just walk? He was only
about 20 yards from here.


FRY
Madam, I am in command now.


[He walks out and Zoidberg follows him.]


ZOIDBERG
Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and
back I would.


[Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The ship takes off and reverses
away from the building.]


[Pluto Surface. Night has fallen and the penguins and Bender
are asleep. Bender snores. The penguins suddenly wake up and
start walking. Bender, still asleep, walks with them. He wakes
up and starts panicking.]


BENDER
What the?What's this water made of?
Ice? Forget this!


[He swims away but a killer whale grabs hold of him à la R2-D2
in The Empire Strikes Back and starts throwing him around, diving
in and out of the water. The whale spits him out and he lands
head first on the land. A surge of electricity wraps around him
and he whistles and falls over then blacks out.]


[Time Lapse. Bender starts to re-boot. His eyes open and his
system starts scanning local lifeforms. The penguins. He resets
to penguin mode and starts loading penguin language. Tasks: 1)
Acquire Food. 2) Frolic. He stands up and looks around.]


PENGUIN #1
(in penguin) Full of fish?


BENDER
(in penguin) Not entirely.


PENGUIN #1
(in penguin) Then let's fish.


[The penguins and Bender head back towards the lake.]


[Ship's Cockpit. Fry flys the ship through space and Zoidberg
look anxiously through the window.]


ZOIDBERG
Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto
any longer. In fact, we may have left
space as we know it.


FRY
Then where are we? You said you knew
how to navigate.


ZOIDBERG
(shouting) Stop yelling at me!


[He bursts into tears.]


[Pluto Surface. The flock of penguins chatter to each other.
Bender looks sadly at a family of penguins. He looks away and
sees a female penguin. He wanders over to her but a male penguin
steps in his way and squawks at him. He sees another female penguin,
walks towards her and kisses her perhaps. They both waddle off
together.]


[Montage The penguins fish for fish. They slide down an ice bank
and dive into the water. Bender slides down halfway but his antenna
gets stuck in the ice and he stops, causing a pile-up of penguins
behind him. Next he prepares to sit on some eggs to keep them
warm but accidentally squashes them instead. He looks embarrassed
and covers the yolk stain on him with his tux tails. In the water
penguins catch one or two fish in their beaks and Bender uses
his antenna to harpoon three at once. Back on land Bender stands
up. There are two baby penguins underneath him. He sees another
penguin regurgitate food for the little ones. He picks up a fish
and throws it into his mouth which acts as a blender. At the
end of the day Bender sits with the group of penguins and chatters.]



[Penguins Unlimited HQ Meeting Room. On a blackboard is a diagram
of one penguin, followed by an arrow, followed by lots of penguins.
Free Waterfall Sr stands at a podium in front of the board. Hippies
are on seats around the room.]


WATERFALL SR
Folks it's worse than we thought. Seems
dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's
like a perverted trail mix of penguin
estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish
penguin fly. Why, it's making them ultra-fertile.



LEELA
How ultra?


WATERFALL SR
Well your garden variety penguin lays
one egg a year. Since the spill our
penguins have been laying six eggs every
15 minutes.Also the eggs hatch in
only 12 hours.Also the males are laying
eggs.


[The hippies gasp again. A man faints and a doctor rushes to
him.]


DOCTOR
This man is over-gasped.


[He and another hippy carry the man out.]


WATERFALL SR
If the birds keep multiplying soon there'll
be too many to count.Before long they'll
exhaust their food supply and starve
to death.


LEELA
Oh if only we hadn't flown penguins
to Pluto and dumped oil on them, this
might never have happened. Can't we
stop them from multiplying?


WATERFALL SR
Yes I reckon it is our responsibility.
And thankfully we have a plan.


LEELA
What is it? We'll do anything.


WATERFALL SR
Everyone grab your guns. I declare penguin
hunting season officially open.


[He pulls out a gun and cocks it and so do the other hippies.
Leela looks around in horror.]


[Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The penguins have multiplied
so much that most of the once ice-covered landscape outside the
building is now filled with a sea of penguins.]


[Cut to: Penguins Unlimited HQ Rec Room. The hippies clean out
their guns while Leela protests the penguins' innocence.]


LEELA
You can't shoot penguins. Isn't there
some way to prevent them from breeding?



WATERFALL SR
Cold showers don't work on Antarctic
creatures. Now surely you agree that
a quick semi-painless death is a darn
sight better than weeks of starvation.



LEELA
Well...I suppose...but...I mean...I
joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins,
not to hunt them.


WATERFALL SR
This time the two are one and the same!
Now are you with us or are you gonna
let innocent penguins suffer?


[He pulls back a curtain. Outside the penguins are squashed up
the window like those healthy people in the Star Trek episode
Wink Of An Eye. Leela takes a step back.]


LEELA
(crying) Oh God it's inhuman! It's like
Hong Kong! I'll do it!


[Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. Leela is holding a gun.]


WATERFALL SR
That's a good old fashioned gun. Simple
point-and-click interface. Rifle check!



[The hunters cock their guns and laugh.]


HUNTER #1
Oh yeah!


HUNTER #2
Wee doggy!


LEELA
Hey, you're enjoying this.


WATERFALL SR
Look nobody enjoys shooting penguins.
But if you have to shoot penguins, well
you might as well enjoy it.


LEELA
I'm sorry but if it's fun in any way
it's not environmentalism.


WATERFALL SR
Oh really? How 'bout blowing up dams?



LEELA
Yeah...that is fun.


[He cocks his gun.]


WATERFALL SR
Let's conservate!


[Outside Ship. The ship glides through space...with a giant space-squid
holding onto it. Fry screams.]


ZOIDBERG
(shouting; from ship) It's been an honour
to serve under you sir!


[Pluto Surface. Leela walks over the icy surface with her gun.
She crawls to a ledge and sees a flock of penguins.]


LEELA
Alright, this is for their own good.
Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire
families.But they're so cute. No!
You can do this. It's just like murdering
a little butler. I...I can't look.
(crying) Oh no! What have I done?Oh
you poor little guy! I'm so sorry I
- Bender?What's going on? Were you
hiding out with these little guys?



BENDER
Of course not. Filthy ice rats. Scat!
Shoo!Gah! What are you doing? Get
away!


LEELA
Aww, they love you!


BENDER
Well I don't love them.Aww!I don't
know why but when I look down at their
little faces, it makes me wanna puke!
In a good way!


[They hear some guns firing and turn around and see the hunters.]



PENGUINS
(in penguin) Stand still. It's our only
hope.


BENDER
(in penguin) That's Puffin talk. Now
follow me!


[He runs away and they follow. Leela turns to the hunters.]



LEELA
Stop! Stop shooting! It's me, Leela.



[A hunter shoots off a bit of her hood.]


HUNTER #2
Sorry.


WATERFALL SR
Why aren't you firing randomly into
those birds little lady? Don't you wanna
help 'em?


LEELA
Not this way.


WATERFALL SR
What? Why you're not a tree-hugging
kook at all!


LEELA
Look, I don't know if shooting penguins
will help the environment or not. But
I do know that the decision shouldn't
be in the hands of people who just wanna
kill for fun.


WATERFALL SR
Leela, you may just be farming some
free-range truth there.On the other
hand we just made up 200 pounds of batter
for penguin tempura. OK boys, it's them
or us!


[They cock their guns.]


LEELA
No!


[They get ready to shoot but the penguins are gone.]


WATERFALL SR
Hey where'd they - ?


BENDER
(shouting) Attack!


[He and the penguins are standing on a ledge behind the hunters.
They slide down the ledge head first towards the hunters. Leela
dives out of the way and the penguins swarm at the hunters.]



HUNTER #1
Whoa!


HUNTER #2
Ow!


BENDER
(in penguin) We will fight them on the
beaches! We will fight them on the glaciers!



[Some penguins catch up with Waterfall and he falls over. They
engulf him and start to eat him.]


WATERFALL SR
(shouting) Make sure they use every
part of my body!


[Waterfall's father - a man with a silly hat, a big beard and
braces - shakes his fist at the penguins.]


OLD MAN WATERFALL
(shouting) I'll avenge your death son!



[Leela and Bender watch the penguin feast.]


LEELA
They used to be such peaceful birds.
I suppose this was your doing.


BENDER
Yep. It's like I taught 'em. If it ain't
black and white - peck scratch and bite!
Now to take off my tuxedo.Guys, it's
me! Your lovable dictator! Uh-oh!



[The penguins start to chase them. One pecks Bender's shiny metal
ass. They come to the top of an ice hill and peer over the other
side. It is very steep.]


LEELA
Oh, if only we had a toboggan.


[She looks Bender up and down.]


[Time Lapse. They both slide down the mountain.]


BENDER
Faster! Faster!


[Leela - the toboggan - slides down the hillside faster. They
slide onto a piece of ice jutting out into the water. Bender
stomps across it and cracks it and it floats away from the land.
The penguins watch them float away.]


LEELA
Phew!


BENDER
Oh phew!Oh right they can swim. It's
all coming back to me now.


[The penguins climb onto the ice block and Bender and Leela back
away to the other side. The penguins surround them. The Planet
Express ship flies overhead.]


LEELA
It's Fry!


BENDER
Wiggles?


[Fry lands the ship on the other side of the ice block. It's
weight tips the ice back and the penguins slide down it. The
whale appears on the other side and the penguins slide into it's
mouth à la Orca.]


LEELA
Well, at least it'll help reduce their
population.


BENDER
Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.Permission
to come aboard Wiggles?


[Fry pulls him up onto the lift.]


FRY
Granted. We can't take off without our
captain.


[He takes off Bender's hat and gives it to him. Leela coughs.
She is still hanging on to the edge of the ice block.]


BENDER
Oh, and bring my toboggan.


[Ship's Cockpit. Fry flies the ship away from Pluto.]


FRY
So Leela, were you able to help the
penguins?


LEELA
Well sure. I mean...not really...I mean...nature
will work itself out. It can't screw
things up any worse than we did trying
to fix things right?


FRY
(mumbling) I 'unno.


BENDER
Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my
shining influence those stupid birds'll
do just fine.


[Cut to: Pluto Surface. The shadows of two penguins creep over
two abandoned guns. They pick the guns up, point them at each
other and cock them.]


THE END


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