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Фрай Какой я невезучий! Даже черным котам, которых я обхожу, везет больше. (205)

Знаешь всю Футураму наизусть? Проверь свои знания! Игра "Угадай цитату"!

Оригинальные сценарии:

ACV: Живу твоими чувствами | I Second That Emotion

Автор сценария: Patric M. Verrone
Режиссёр: Mark Ervin
FUTURAMA

Episode 205

"I SECOND THAT EMOTION"

By

Patric M. Verrone

Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



[Advertisement: Fry, Bender and Leela appear as heroes in an
oval.]


ANNOUNCER
(voice-over) Futurama is brought to
you by ...... Glagnar's Human Rinds.
It's a buncha muncha cruncha human!



[The monster bites one from a packet.]


[Opening Credits. Caption: Made From Meat By-Products.]


[Planet Express: Kitchen. Leela picks up a huge can of Kibbles
'n' Snouts and carries it over to a huge electric can opener
on the wall.]


[Cut to: Planet Express: Balcony. Nibbler is asleep. His third
eye perks up and looks around when he hears the can opener. He
runs inside.]


[Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. Fry gets some coffee. Leela
tips the can over and the meat slowly slides out from inside.
Nibbler sits in his food dish and the meat falls on him and he
scoffs it in a few bites.]


LEELA
Aww! Somebody likes snouts.


FRY
Is it me?


[Bender wanders in humming to himself. The magnet on the can
opener pulls him off the floor and starts cutting into him.]



BENDER
(shouting) Ow, my head! My precious
head!(talking) Stupid can opener.
You killed my father and now you've
come back for me!


FRY
You alright, Bender?


[Bender rubs his head. The top half is cut like a half-open can.]



BENDER
Yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why
we keep this ticking time-bomb around
just for that dumb animal.


LEELA
Don't yell at Nibbler like that.You
hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him
and make up.


BENDER
No.


LEELA
I said pet him.


BENDER
I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both
hands!Ow! My ass! Get off!


[Nibbler lets go.]


LEELA
Are you alright?


BENDER
Ah, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure.



LEELA
Not you.Aww, poor baby chipped a fang.



[She carries Nibbler away and kisses and pets him.]


BENDER
Hey, I got a busted ass here, I don't
see anyone kissing it.


[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Zoidberg puts a book down
and stands up from the table.]


ZOIDBERG
(reluctant) Alright, I'm coming.


[Animal Clinic Waiting Room. A man sits stroking a cat, a cat
sits stroking a man and Leela sits with Nibbler while Fry and
Bender stand nearby. A door opens and a woman comes out with
a two-headed dog, followed by the vet, Jeffery Grant.]


JEFFERY
Remember, Rover gets the pill and Pepper
gets the suppository.Next.


[Animal Clinic Examination Room. Veterinary surgeries haven't
changed much in a thousand years; there is a sink, a paper towel
dispenser and an examination table in the middle of the room
which Nibbler sits on. Jeffery fetches a small hammer and taps
Nibbler on the head with it, making him squeal. He looks in his
mouth.]


JEFFERY
It's just a simple broken fang, nothing
serious.


BENDER
What's that you say there, doctor? You're
gonna have to put him down?


JEFFERY
No-- what? Huh?


[He looks at Fry and Leela in confusion. Bender shakes his head.]



BENDER
Terrible shame that. Shall I do the
honours?


[He reaches up to a shelf and takes down a bottle with some pink
liquid in it marked "Goose Laxative". He holds the bottle by
it's neck, smashes it on a table and points it at Nibbler. Leela
reaches across.]


LEELA
No!


[She rips Bender's arm off and smacks it against the table until
it lets go of the broken bottle.]


BENDER
You about done?


LEELA
Next time I'm keeping it.


[She tosses the arm over her shoulder and Bender reattaches it.]



JEFFERY
OK, well I believe I have a replacement
fang for your pet in the next room.
The jaguar didn't wanna cooperate but
luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.
Now then.


[He pulls out the broken crown of Nibbler's fang and sets it
down on a table. Fry picks it up.]


FRY
Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's
fang?


[Jeffery attaches Nibbler's new tooth with a laser.]


JEFFERY
Um, I'm still a little woozy from a
gazelle kick this morning but if he's
anything like the common tree, the rings
might indicate his age.


[Fry laughs.]


FRY
Yeah, well, good luck. It'd take some
kind of genius to count all those rings.



[Jeffery takes a look.]


JEFFERY
He's five.


[Planet Express: Lounge. A "Happy 5th Birthday Nibbler" banner
has been strung up on the wall.]


FARNSWORTH
Happy birthday, young Nibbler.


[Everyone is sat on the floor surrounded by opened presents.
The room has been decorated with balloons and streamers and Fry
sticks a picture to the wall. Nibbler scratches himself and runs
around.]


LEELA
Aww, look how cuddly he looks in his
new cape!


BENDER
(sarcastic) I'd be cuddly too if someone
gave me a new cape.


FRY
Who's playing pin the tail on the moon
maggot?


[Bender snatches a tail from his hand.]


BENDER
Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am.
And the crowd goes wild! What prize
do I get? Cash?


[He turns around. No one is interested.]


AMY
Hey, look at Nibbler!


[Nibbler is sat in a high-chair at the table and chews a spoon.]



HERMES
Aww, he's holding a spoon.


ZOIDBERG
He's so talented!


BENDER
You call that talent? Gather round old
Bender and get ready for the show of
a lifetime.Ta-da!


[He grumbles when no one watches. Leela puts a pointy party hat
on Nibbler and his third eye pops out the top. Hermes gasps.]



HERMES
Now he's wearing a hat!


LEELA
Come on, let's all sing Happy Birthday!



[They do, all except Bender.]


ALL
(singing) What day is today?

It's Nibbler's birthday,

What a day for a birthday,

Let's all have some cake.


FRY
(singing) ... and you smell like one
too!


[He giggles and they all applaud.]


BENDER
Hey, what about this?


[He dances around and whistles Sweet Georgia Brown again.]


LEELA
Bender, I thought you were supposed
to be cooking for this party.


BENDER
Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler.


LEELA
Just make a simple cake. And this time,
if someone's going to jump out of it,
make sure you put them in after you
cook it.


BENDER
So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll
make you a cake you'll never forget.



[Planet Express: Kitchen. Bender takes some rat poison out of
a cupboard and laughs insanely as he tips it onto something.
It turns out he is pouring it next to a hole in the bottom of
the wall.]


BENDER
That'll take care of those annoying
rats.Now, to bake a cake so delicious
they'll have no choice but to love and
worship me.


[He whistles Sweet Georgia Brown as he walks to the fridge and
takes two eggs out of a 12-pack of various grade bird eggs. He
juggles them around, then rolls them across his shoulders and
into a bowl. He tips in some flour, some Third & Third & Third
and then uses his hand to whisk the mixture. He pours the mixture
into a cake tin, puts the tin in his chest cabinet and switches
it from refrigerate to E-Z bake, closes the door and hums as
it cooks.]


[Time Lapse. Bender ices the 5-tier birthday cake and puts a
little Bender ornament on the top.]


BENDER
There! This'll teach those filthy bastards
who's lovable. Now all I have to do
is spell check it and it's ready for
my admiring public.No! Get away from
there!That's it.


[Planet Express: Bathroom. Bender carries Nibbler in holding
him by his eyestalk and lifts the toilet seat lid.]


BENDER
Happy birthday!


[He drops Nibbler in and flushes the toilet. Nibbler starts turning.
Enter Leela.]


LEELA
Bender, what's going--(crying) No!



BENDER
Hey! Can't you see I'm using the toilet?



[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Leela sits at the table crying
with the rest of the staff gathered around her.]


AMY
Bender! How could you flush Nibbler
down the toilet?


[Bender sits on a chair with his feet on the table smoking a
cigar.]


BENDER
Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.
That was the first little annoyance.
Am I right, men?


LEELA
(crying) Aren't you upset at all? How
would you feel if I flushed Fry down
the toilet?


BENDER
Only one way to find out.


LEELA
(crying) You have no sympathy for anyone
else's feelings.


BENDER
Of course I do. Right now I feel sorry
for you.


LEELA
You do?


BENDER
Yeah. I mean, one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot
eye? You ain't winning no beauty pageants,
lady.


[Leela cries some more.]


[Planet Express: Bathroom. Everyone except Bender stands around
the toilet. Leela dabs her eyes with a tissue.]


FARNSWORTH
And so we say goodbye to our beloved
pet Nibbler, who's gone to a place where
I too hope one day to go: The toilet.



[Leela sobs and Fry nods to Hermes, who places a lily into the
toilet. He nods back to Fry and he flushes the lily away.]



LEELA
(crying) I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender
just understood the pain he caused me.



[They hear Bender laughing.]


[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. They peer around the door. Bender
is watching All My Circuits. Calculon is lying in a hospital
bed.]


CALCULON
Give it to me straight, doctor -- don't
sugarcoat it.


DOCTORBOT
Very well. Your entire family died
when a plane piloted by your fiancée
crashed into your uninsured home. And
you have inoperable cancer.


[Bender laughs and kicks his legs.]


BENDER
Bet you weren't expecting that one,
Calculon!


[Cut to: Planet Express: Bathroom.]


AMY
It's like he doesn't understand simple
humanoid emotion.


LEELA
I wish just once Bender could feel exactly
what I feel.


FARNSWORTH
Actually, through the miracle of science,
that can be arranged.


FRY
Uh-oh. Is this gonna be another crazy
experiment that crosses a line Man was
not meant to cross?


[Farnsworth makes the "little bit" gesture.]


[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender watches the news.]


LINDA
The official death toll in that tragic
rocket crash has now been raised to
54,000.


[Bender sniggers and Fry, Hermes and Zoidberg grab him and pin
him to the table. Farnsworth unscrews his head.]


BENDER
Hey, what the hell are you doing with
my head?


[Farnsworth carries him across the room.]


FARNSWORTH
I need to tinker in it.


BENDER
Why don't you just use a potted plant
like Fry?


FARNSWORTH
Quiet, you. I'm installing an empathy
chip.


[He holds up a little green chip in a pair of pliers.]


FRY
And that'll allow Bender to feel other
people's emotions?


FARNSWORTH
Yes. If by "allow" you mean "force".



[He screws Bender's head into a vice and starts hammering the
chip into the side of it.]


BENDER
Ooh! Ow! Son of a-- Careful with that!
Ow ...


FARNSWORTH
Oh dear, oh my. I got it. Once more.



BENDER
... Ow! Professor!


FARNSWORTH
Steady now.


BENDER
Ow!


FARNSWORTH
There we go.Now I'll simply tune it
to Leela's emotional frequency.


[He turns the chip with a screwdriver. It beeps.]


BENDER
My God, I'm overcome with ... feelings.
I'm experiencing a powerful yearning
to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel
heads.


ZOIDBERG
That's me, baby!


FARNSWORTH
Hmm.


[He turns the chip again.]


BENDER
Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart
as Leela, but at the same time I feel
relieved that I'm cuter than her.



AMY
Uh ... that's me.


[She raises her hand and Fry leans back.]


FRY
(whispering) Thanks for covering.


[Farnsworth turns the chip again.]


BENDER
This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling
nosy and opinionated.


AMY
Bingo!


HERMES
That's Leela!


LEELA
Thank you, Professor. I'm happy that
Bender can finally feel my pain.


[The chip beeps.]


BENDER
Happy. I like this feeling. Just don't
revert to your usual mopey self.


LEELA
I'm not mopey. You shut up!


[The chip beeps.]


BENDER
Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel
anger, you one-eyed jerk with a dead
pet!


[He laughs and Leela cries. The chip beeps and he cries too.]



[O'Zorgnax's Pub. Amy and Leela are on a girl's night out. Leela
is wearing a blue dress and Amy is wearing a green top.]


LEELA
Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel
slightly less miserable already.


AMY
Hey, you know what'd cheer you up? You
should get a puppy.


LEELA
A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.



[She bursts into tears.]


[Fry and Bender's Lounge. They sit watching TV and Bender suddenly
cries.]


FRY
What's your problem?


BENDER
(crying) I miss Nibbler.


FRY
You do?


BENDER
Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.
Why can't she just drink herself happy
like a normal person?


[He cries and drinks down the bottle.]


[O'Zorgnax's Pub. Amy and a Hispanic guy dance closely. Leela
drums her fingers and growls.]


[Fry and Bender's Lounge. Bender's chip beeps.]


BENDER
Uh-oh, jealousy.(shouting) You think
you're so hot!


FRY
What?


BENDER
The only reason you get all the guys
is because you dress like a tramp!



[He slaps Fry, making him drop his Slurm.]


FRY
(crying) They're just responding to
my personality.


[O'Zorgnax's Pub. Leela is still sat at the bar. The guy has
his arm around Amy.]


AMY
Um, Leela? Armando and I are going to
the back seat of his car for coffee.
You gonna be alright here by yourself?



LEELA
(theatrical happiness) Sure. I'm having
a great time -- really. You two go enjoy
yourselves.


[They leave.]


[Fry and Bender's Lounge.]


BENDER
(crying) I'm so lonely. I'm gonna go
eat a bucket of ice cream.(crying)
A bucket of ...


[He sobs.]


FRY
(shouting) The spoon's in the foot powder.



[Planet Express: Meeting Room. A tear streams down Leela's face
as she looks at a photo of her and Nibbler in one of those things
at a beach where the head is cut out. Bender and Fry watch from
the doorway. Bender sighs.]


BENDER
I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live
another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler.



FRY
Too bad he wasn't an alligator. Y'know,
when you flush those things they stay
alive in the sewers.


BENDER
Really?


FRY
Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker
saw one once. It's a widely-believed
fact.


BENDER
Hmm, sewers.Thinking, thinking, thinking.



[Planet Express: Bathroom. He stands in the toilet.]


BENDER
Hang on, Nibbler. Uncle Bender's coming
to save you.Damn, it's too small.
What did those human design this for
anyway?Aha! Bender, one; toilet, zero!
See you on the other side!


[His body waves goodbye. Someone knocks on the door.]


[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry pounds on the door.]


FRY
Bender? Bender?!


[Cut to: Planet Express: Bathroom. He forces the door open.]



FRY
Have you seen my sombrero?


[He gasps as Bender's right arm flushes itself away.]


[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are sat around the table.]



LEELA
Now he's flushed himself down the toilet?
Who's he gonna flush next?


FRY
Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed
himself because your emotions made him
feel bad.


LEELA
You're right. I feel terrible.


FRY
Oh, great, now you're making him feel
worse!


LEELA
I guess we'd better go down into the
sewers and look for him.


AMY
Are you crazy? There's mutants down
there! They'll eat you alive.


ZOIDBERG
They're hideous!


[He screams and clacks his claws at her.]


LEELA
There's no such thing as mutants. That's
a ridiculous urban myth.


[Farnsworth spins around in his chair.]


FARNSWORTH
Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists
believe humans really could mutate down
there. Uh, due to exposure to toxic
waste and radioactive runoff and good
old American faeces.


[Fry holds his hand to his heart.]


FRY
God bless America.


[New New York City Street. In the middle of the road outside
the Planet Express building, Leela lifts a manhole cover with
a picture of Thurgood Stubbs from The PJs engraved on it. Fry
peers down the hole as she drags it away.]


FRY
Phew! Uh, ladies first.


[She pushes him down the hole and he screams before splashing
into the sewer water below.]


[Cut to: New New York City Sewers. Leela peers down the hole
and Fry splutters and spits.]


FRY
Oh, and the aftertaste!


[Time Lapse. Leela and Fry crawl through the pitch black tunnels.
Fry lights a match and screams.]


LEELA
What is it?


FRY
I burned my finger.


[Time Lapse. They float down the sewer river on an inflatable
yellow raft pointing flashlights around.]


LEELA
OK, check the guidebook.


[Fry shines his torch onto a page in Let's Go Sewers.]


FRY
Looks like we're under Park Avenue.
Ooh, ritzy! Just think: All this was
probably once a charity luncheon for
the Met.


[A noise comes from down the sewers.]


LEELA
Wait, what's that?


[They shine their torches down the tunnels and see Bender at
the other end trying to reattach his limbs. He has put his right
arm in his right leg socket and his right leg to the right arm
socket. He groans.]


BENDER
I never should have thrown out the manual.



LEELA
Bender, you didn't have to come down
here.


BENDER
I know. But I just missed Nibbler so
much.


LEELA
(crying) He was so cute.


[The chip beeps.]


BENDER
(crying) He was so sweet.


[They hug.]


FRY
Eck! This emotional display is making
me nauseous.Or maybe it's whatever
that is.


[Time Lapse. The trio sit in the raft as it carries on through
the sewers. Bender's arms and legs are in the right place.]



LEELA
(shouting) Nibbler?


BENDER
(shouting) Nibbler?


[Leela sighs.]


LEELA
It's no use. We'd better turn back.
Which way, Fry?


FRY
Hmm. According to this map, the only
way out is through ... that pipe.Don't
worry. It gets wider after about a mile.



[Leela and Bender look at each other and the chip beeps.]


LEELA
(simultaneously) Idiot.


BENDER
(simultaneously) Idiot.


[Fry sighs.]


FRY
OK, OK, nevermind. I'll just ask those
people for directions.


[He points the torch at some hideous creatures all with extra
bodily features such as arms, eyes, noses, hands. They growl.]



LEELA
(shouting) Mutants!


[Fry screams, then Leela, then - after his chip has beeped -
Bender.]


[Time Lapse. Leela, Fry and Bender stand in the sewer water staring
at the mutants.]


LEELA
Mutants! They're real!


[She and Bender flinch. Fry pushes them aside.]


FRY
I'll take care of this!Back! Back!



[One of the mutants, Vyolet, a hideous woman with green scaly
skin, a snout and gills, steps forwards and uses the flaming
guidebook to light her cigarette. She smokes it and smoke comes
out of her gills.]


VYOLET
Thanks, handsome.


[A mutant, called Dwayne, with a huge forehead and two noses
steps forward.]


DWAYNE
Please, do not be frightened, we're
harmless.


RAOUL
I have three arms.


DWAYNE
I said "harmless" not "armless".


VYOLET
Lay off him. You know he's only got
one ear.


FRY
Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating
our brains? You're mutants.


DWAYNE
Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the
mutants.


VYOLET
Please, Dwayne, have you looked in a
mirror lately?


[Mutant Village. The mutants lead Fry, Leela and Bender down
the tunnels and into an open space with buildings and other mutants.]



RAOUL
Welcome to our village. It may not be
Paris but it has a certain quaint charm
that I, for one, wouldn't trade for
the world.


BENDER
You guys realise you live in a sewer,
right?


DWAYNE
Perhaps. But perhaps your civilisation
is merely the sewer of an even greater
society above you.


LEELA
No, we're on the top.


FRY
Daylight and everything.


[Dwayne groans.]


VYOLET
It must be wonderful.


BENDER
Eh.


[He makes the middle-of-the-road gesture.]


LEELA
Listen. We actually came down here to
find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed
down the toilet.


RAOUL
Well if he got flushed down the toilet
he probably came through here. Everything
always does. Follow me.All that is
ours was once flushed down your toilets.
Over there is our aquarium.This is
our library.


[The library is just a shelf. Bender looks at what is on offer.]



BENDER
Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.



[He holds up Atlas Shrugged.]


RAOUL
And over here is our church.


[Cut to: Mutant Church. Fry opens the door and looks around.
In front of the altar is a huge nuclear warhead.]


FRY
Wow. You guys worship an unexploded
nuclear bomb?


[Cut to: Mutant Village.]


VYOLET
Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's
mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.



[Time Lapse. The group walk down a street and pass lots and lots
of dry cleaners.]


LEELA
(shouting) Nibbler?


BENDER
(shouting) Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums.



FRY
So, is it true that alligators flushed
down the toilet survive down here?



VYOLET
No. That's just an urban legend.


BENDER
Then what are those?


VYOLET
Crocodiles.


[She snorts.]


RAOUL
We keep them as pets. Then, when they
grow too large, we flush them down into
the sub-sewer.


[He points to a huge toilet in the middle of the mutant town.]



DWAYNE
Some say there's a freakish race of
sub-mutants down there.


VYOLET
Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.



DWAYNE
Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe
in ...... El Chupanibre.


[The other mutants gasp.]


LEELA
El Chupanibre? What's that?


[Dwayne strums a guitar.]


DWAYNE
Gather round, children, for the legend
of El Chupanibre.

(singing) He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush,

Silent as a low-flow toilet flush,

Watch your step,

'Cause sooner or later,

He'll eat you whole,

And half your alligator.


VYOLET
Crocodile.


DWAYNE
Whatever.


[Vyolet snorts.]


LEELA
Wait. Our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile.
It's his favourite treat. He must be
El Chupanibre.


BENDER
Hey, yeah!


RAOUL
You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre
upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies.



[The growling mutants surround them.]


LEELA
You don't understand. He would never
hurt people. Let us help you capture
him.


DWAYNE
Impossible. If the legend is true, our
only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice.



RAOUL
Yes. An unspoiled virgin.


LEELA
I volunteer.


VYOLET
Nice try, Leela, but we've all seen
Zapp Brannigan's webpage.


[Bender laughs and Leela looks sad. Bender's chip beeps and he
groans.]


BENDER
Oh, I made myself feel bad.


RAOUL
She'll have to do. Chain her to the
post!And rip her shirt a little.
Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for
the, uh, "virgin", he will be snared
by this rope trap.


DWAYNE
(quietly) Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon.
It is nightfall.


LEELA
Nightfall? How can you tell down here?



[Splashing noises echo around the village.]


DWAYNE
The tide is coming in.


[Vyolet lies with her ear to the water.]


VYLOET
Quiet, the beast approaches.


[Loud bangs come from the pipe as El Chupanibre gets closer.
The mutants, Fry and Bender scarper. Fry dives behind some boxes
and Bender and Dwayne join him. Raoul runs into a building and
draws the curtains across him. El Chupanibre's shadow appears
and Leela gasps. The huge shadow gets smaller and it turns out
to be Nibbler.]


BENDER
Nibbler! Aw, come here precious!Look
everyone, it's El Chupanibre.


DWAYNE
That's not El Chupanibre.


BENDER
Say what?


DWAYNE
That's El Chupanibre.


[He points to a huge green monster standing in the pipe looking
down on Bender. It has fangs and yellow bloodshot eyes. Bender
looks round, screams, drops Nibbler and runs away.]


FRY
I'll take care of this.


[He steps into the rope trap and screams as it lifts him off
the ground and leaves him dangling overhead. El Chupanibre gets
closer to Nibbler. Leela screams, making Bender scream.]


LEELA
Bender, do something.


BENDER
I'm too scared.


FRY
Leela, your scaredness is being transmitted
straight to Bender. If you care about
Nibbler, stop caring about him!


LEELA
I can't. I love every living creature.



FRY
Even me?


LEELA
As a friend.


FRY
Damn.


[Leela starts to cry.]


BENDER
Listen to me, Leela: I'm an expert at
not caring. The secret is to stop giving
a rat's ass about anyone else and start
thinking of the things that you want,
that you deserve, that the world owes
you.


[El Chupanibre edges closer to Nibbler.]


LEELA
Well, I could use a new tank top.


BENDER
Bigger! Bigger!


LEELA
A fashionable tank top. And designer
boots ... encrusted with jewels.


BENDER
Don't stop now, you'll need some pants
to go with that outfit.


LEELA
Yeah. And I could afford it all if I
didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler.



[Bender's chip beeps.]


BENDER
Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.



[He kicks Nibbler out the way and starts rotating his arms. El
Chupanibre grabs them and pulls them off. Bender groans. El Chupanibre
grabs him and lifts him towards his mouth.]


FRY
Bender's gonna be killed!


LEELA
You know what else I could use? A weekend
at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone.



[El Chupanibre prepares to eat Bender. Bender's detached arms
tap him on the shoulder and he looks around. They punch him and
he drops Bender. Bender charges at him and knocks him flying
into the huge toilet. His arms flush the monster away and everyone
cheers.]


FRY
(cheering) Yeah!


LEELA
You did it!


RAOUL
Let's have a tissue-tape parade!


BENDER
No thanks.


[Dwayne unties Leela and another mutant cuts Fry down. He falls
into the water and splutters. Nibbler runs towards Leela and
jumps into her arms and licks her. Dwayne sits on the toilet
with his guitar.]


DWAYNE
Gather round, children, to hear the
legend of Bender.

[He strums the guitar.]

(singing) He came from above with a--

[A string snaps and he sighs.]

(talking) It's gonna be many a year before someone flushes another
guitar string.


[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Leela and Bender are back
and everyone is with them. Bender holds a cigar.]


FARNSWORTH
That was a disgusting story.


LEELA
And it's all thanks to Bender. I love
you, Bender.


BENDER
I love you too.Get that stupid chip
out of me before I kill myself!


[Farnsworth prises the chip off with a screwdriver and looks
at it.]


FARNSWORTH
Bender, you won't believe this, but
the empathy chip burned out. The emotion
you felt for Nibbler was actually your
own.


FRY
Looks like Bender learned an important
lesson about respecting other people's
feelings afterall.


[Everyone else nods and murmurs in agreement.]


FARNSWORTH
No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was
running at triple capacity.


BENDER
And I still barely felt anything. Goodnight,
losers!


[He walks out.]


LEELA
You know, Bender may not have learned
anything from me, but I think I actually
learned something from him.(shouting)
So long, jerkwads!


FARNSWORTH
So long!


THE END


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