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Я буду скучать по тебе, мешок мяса (90)
ACV: Незабываемый полёт | A Flight to RememberАвтор сценария: Eric Horsted
Режиссёр: Peter Avanzino
"A FLIGHT TO REMEMBER"
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[The ship flies towards Earth, towards the Planet Express building.
The landing gear comes down and the ship lands.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The crew walk out. Their hair
is ruffled, their clothes are torn and dirty.]
That was the worst delivery ever.
Yeah. I'm never going to another planet
Me neither. (upbeat) Food was good,
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Farnsworth is sat at the
table, drinking from a cup. He turns around when the crew walk
Oh, great news, everyone.
Shove it! We quit!
In that case I'll have to hire a new
crew to go on our company vacation.
[He and Fry high five.]
This is great! I haven't had time off
since I was 21 through 24.
[They sit down.]
It's just my way of thanking you for
not reporting my countless violations
of safety and minimum wage laws.
[He knocks Farnsworth affectionately on the shoulder.]
I've booked us all on the maiden voyage
of the largest, most luxurious space
cruise ship ever built.The Titanic!
[The Titanic is a futuristic space version of the RMS Titanic,
with bubble domes and rocket engines. And rings, of course.]
[Ominous music. They carry on staring at the brochure ... unaware.]
[Opening Credits. Caption: Filmed On Location.]
[A huge spaceport sits high above the skyline of New New York.
The rotating disc on top indicates it is South Street Spaceport.]
[Cut to: South Street Spaceport Departures. The whole crew emerges
from the travel tubes in the departure area which looks similar
to that of an airport.]
Hey, uh, where's my suitcase?Ow!
[South Street Spaceport. The huge Titanic sits moored to the
port and Mayor Poopenmeyer gives a speech.]
As Mayor of New New York, it's my pleasure
to introduce the honorary captain for
the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who
single-handedly defeated the Retiree
People of the Assisted Living Nebula:
[Zapp walks forward and waves to the crowd. They cheer and applaud.]
Oh, God! Not Zapp Brannigan!
You know Zapp Brannigan?
Let's just say we've "crossed paths".
Was that before or after you slept with
[Zapp looks at the Titanic.]
She's a beautiful ship alright. Shapely,
seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains
out.And now, without further adieu,
I christen this ship, Titanic.
[Kif hands him Leonardo DiCaprio's head in a jar. Zapp smashes
it against the side of the ship. DiCaprio's head bounces away.
The crowd applauds and cheers.]
[Time Lapse. Passengers are now boarding via old-style gangways.
Zapp personally welcomes passengers. He sees the Planet Express
crew and Leela walking up the gangway.]
Well, well, well! The Lady Leela. Take
notes, Kif. You're about to witness
the subtle waltz known as seduction.
So, trapped on a ship with me. What
say you and I knock some very sensual
It's tempting, but, uh, I have a fiancé
now. Uh, hmm, uh, hmm, uh, we--, uh
...Him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan.
Huh?Ooh! How do you do?
[He shakes Zapp's hand. Zapp narrows his eyes at Fry.]
[The Titanic leaves port honking its horn to the cheering crowds.
It flies away from Earth and off into space.]
[Titanic First Class Corridor. The crew walk across polished
floors and past a grand wooden staircase straight out of the
film Titanic. They walk through another corridor.]
Ah, here's my stateroom.
[He walks in, followed by everyone else. Bender suddenly sees
something and stops and purrs. He zooms in on a well-dressed
Fembot and she does the same. He zooms in further and his eyes
fall out. He scrambles around the floor for them.]
Come on, where is it?Ohh!
[Titanic First Class State Room. Everyone, especially Fry, seems
settled in in the room's plush furnishings.]
Now, Hermes, you and your lovely wife
LaBarbara have the suite through there.
And Dr. Zoidberg, your marble tank is
on the other side.
[Fry bounces on a green chair.]
Man, first class seems nice!
It'll seem even nicer once you've seen
[He hands Amy a key.]
[Titanic First Class Deck. Amy, Leela, Bender and Fry stand waiting
for the elevator.]
Looks like we're on the Fiesta Deck.
[The elevator door opens.]
[Cut to: Titanic Elevator. Amy presses a button and the elevator
goes down. Past second class where there are lots of t-shirt
wearing tourists with fat children and cameras. Past steerage
where there are lots of stereotypical Irish people. Past laundry
which is already filled with clothes. Past the bowels of the
ship where men shovel coal into furnaces. It stops at the Fiesta
deck and the doors opens to a dank, dripping corridor.]
[Titanic Fiesta Deck Corridor. The crew emerge from the elevator.]
This is it.
[She opens the door and groans.]
[Cut to: Titanic Fiesta Deck Room. The room is dank room with
leaky pipes and four camp beds along the side.]
Well at least we get a window!
[He pulls a blind up and is blasted in the face with reactor
Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone
in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna
pop over to the casino for the next
I think I'll go and fill up on bisque
at the buffet.
[She closes the door as she leaves.]
I guess that just leaves you and your
fake fiancé ... all alone ... on a romatic
[He puts his arm around her.]
Take it off or I'll break it off.
[He takes his arm from around her. Zapp opens the door.]
[Leela puts Fry's arm back around her and smiles weakly.]
[Titanic Casino. Bender already looks settled in, standing at
a craps table.]
Hmm.I'm bettin' it all!Come on,
baby needs a new pair of feet!
[He rolls the dice.]
[He rakes in the chips.]
No! My cheating unit malfunctioned!
You gotta give me a do-over!
Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.
[Bender takes a seat at the bar and sighs.]
Gimmie you're biggest, strongest, cheapest
[The bartender, iZac, turns around.]
You got it!
[He fills a bucket. Bender turns around and sees the Fembot from
earlier. He gasps and walks over to introduce himself.]
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.
Charmed. I'm the Countess de la Roca.
I was surprised to see another robot
staying in first class. Most of the
robots I meet are labourers.
I assure you, I barely know the meaning
of the word "labour".
[The Countess laughs.]
Oh, Mr. Bender!
Please, call me Bender.
[He kisses her hand.]
(embarrassed) Oh, goodness. I don't--
[As he kisses her, he reaches around and takes some money from
[Titanic Wheel Room. Zapp stands in front of an old-fashioned
sailing wheel. Kif emerges from a washroom.]
Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch.
I'll get the powder, sir.
No, the itch for adventure! Prepare
to change course.
Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path
was set by the travel agency.
[He presses a button and a map comes down on the wall showing
the route is a straight line from Earth to another planet.]
That's for schoolgirls! Now here's a
route with some chest hair.
[He squiggles a new course onto the map.]
But that course leads directly through
a swarm of comets.
Yes, comets! The icebergs of the sky.
By jackknifing from one to the next
at breakneck speed we might just get
some kind of gravity boost ... or something.
It's time to shove a jalapeño up this
ship's tailpipe.Divert power from
the shields, full speed ahead!
[Titanic Buffet. Amy is dishing up a bowlful of bisque.]
[She turns around and gasps and drops the bowl when she sees
Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?
We were planning on enjoying a relaxing
vacation. But since you're here, we'll
have to do some meddling.
We met the nicest boy in the cabin next
He's not very ugly.
You should marry him! Or at least use
him to conceive a grandchild for us.
There he is at the buffet!
[He points at a large man leaning over the sneeze guard and dipping
his finger in the bisque to taste it.]
Uh, he seems really nice but, well,
I already have a boyfriend.
Really? Where is he?
And why isn't he here right now fathering
[Titanic Deck. Fry and Leela are outside, looking at the stars.]
Well, our accommodations aren't great
but it sure is beautiful our here.
Yeah, it's pretty romantic-- Uh, I mean
platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic
Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to
think this whole fake fiancé thing was
a terrible, terrible--
[She turns and gasps, then grabs Fry and kisses him.]
Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time
but if things don't work out with this
pipsqueak here ...... I just want
you to know I'll be there to score you
on the rebound.
[He walks away, humming. Leela stops kissing Fry.]
Uh, look, before you get any crazy ideas,
that was for Zapp.
Well, you got anything else for him?
Alright, can we try not to complicate
[Enter Amy and her parents.]
Mom, Dad. I'd like you to meet Fry,
[She kisses him.]
[Time Lapse. Later, the crew relax in swimsuits by the swimming.
Leela lies on a sunbed wearing a green swimsuit with a hole around
the navel. Fry says goodbye to fake girlfriend #2.]
See you later, wuvvums!
[He kisses Amy and she leaves with her parents. He sits on a
sunbed next to Leela.]
It would have been nice if you'd told
me you were going out with Amy.
I'm not going out with Amy. It's just
to fool her parents. Hey, you're not
jealous, are you?
What? No. No! Of course not!
Good, 'cause I consider my fake relationship
with you a lot more meaningful.
[Countess de la Roca's Room.]
Mind if I freshen up a bit before we
I was just about to suggest the same
[He is about to put it in his chest cabinet but he hesitates.
The Countess is behind him.]
Lovely, isn't it?
Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you.
[He puts it on her wrist.]
Oh, Bender! Either that was a computing
error or you're the most romantic robot
I've ever met!
[Titanic Casino. Bender watches the Countess play a fruit machine
while he sits at the bar.]
I don't get it, iZac: That bracelet
had a diamond the size of a racoon's
brain. Why couldn't I steal it?
It's obvious, Mr. B, you're in love.
Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed
robots. She, a countess built with a
silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just
a regular honest Joe.
[He walks off with the drinks.]
Hey, you gonna pay for those?
[iZac presses something on his body and it beeps.]
Security to bar area. Security to bar
[Two robot security guards rise from the floor and grab Bender.]
Fellas, please. I'm in love!
Rough him up!
[The security guards punch Bender. The Countess intervenes.]
What are you doing?
This penniless chump was stealing drinks,
I see. Here you are, sir ...... keep
You got it!
[The security guards punch Bender a couple more times then go
back into the floor. Bender looks away from the Countess, ashamed.]
[Titanic Deck. The crew, Kif and the fat man are limboing. Zoidberg
clears the pole.]
[Farnsworth has a go.]
Lean back more!
[Farnsworth smacks straight into the pole.]
[Hermes and LaBarbara stand away from the game.]
Come on, Hermes, you could out-limbo
all of these people!
Don't be a dog heart, woman. You know
I can't. Not after what happened.
[Flashback. It's the 2980 Olympics. Hermes, representing Earth,
is warming up ready for his limbo.]
Now limboing for the Earth team: Hermes
[As Hermes warms up, a boy in the crowd wearing a Hermes t-shirt
shouts to him.]
(shouting) You're my hero, Hermes! I'm
gonna be just like you!
[He jumps out of the stand and runs towards the limbo stick.]
No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone
can't take it!
[The boys starts to lean back.]
I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--
[His back cracks, the crowd gasps and Hermes winces.]
[Flashback ends. Hermes is crying. LaBarbara pats him on the
There, there. Now you don't have to
limbo if you don't want. It doesn't
make you any less of a man.
Though it did get me some action!
[Hattie hangs onto his arm.]
I like a man who's flexible!
Your attention, please. As captain of
this vessel, the terrible burden of
naming a limbo contest winner is mine
and mine alone.
Shouldn't you be steering between the
And the winner is, Leela!
[The crowd applauds and turns to Leela, who is still sat on her
But I didn't even limbo.
No matter. I know from personal experience
how horizontal you can get. As your
reward, you and that hairpile are invited
to dine at the captain's table this
[Time Lapse. Bender and the Countess lean over the rail on the
Well, now you know. I'm not actually
rich. I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy
fraud. This isn't even a real bow-tie
-- it's magnetic.
[He takes the bow-tie off and throws it against the wall where
Bender, I don't care whether you have
money. I love you for your artificial
intelligence and your sincerity simulator.
You do? Really?
[The Countess nods. She and Bender kiss.]
[Montage: In some scenes lifted from Titanic the Countess lies
on a sofa naked. Bender's finger makes printer noises as he draws
her. He shows her the picture which looks like circuit diagrams.
At tthe bow of the ship he holds her up at the railings but she
is so heavy she ends up breaking his arms off. In the Titanic's
hold they climb into an old hovercar and literally make sparks.]
[Titanic Buffet. A sign advertises "All You Can Eat Plus A Whole
Chicken". Fry, Leela, Farnsworth and Hattie sit with Zapp around
the captain's table wearing formal evening wear. Zapp wears a
formal off-white DOOP jacket with medals.]
I like your style, Fry. You remind me
of a young me. Not much younger, mind
you. Perhaps even a couple of years
Thank you, sir.
As a gentleman, I must warn you. If
you so much as glance at another woman,
I'll be all over Leela like a fly on
a pile of very seductive manure.
Well, rest assured, Leela's the only
girl for me.
[Enter the Wongs.]
[Amy has brought her parents. They sit down.]
Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete.
[Fry, Leela and Amy lean into each other and whisper to each
(whispering) What are we gonna do? Fry
can't pretend to be both our boyfriends.
(whispering) Sure I can. I learned how
to handle delicate social situations
from a little show called Three's Company.
[Zapp taps his glass.]
I'd like to impose a toast on the happy
couple. Down the hatch!
Hear, hear! Now lets have a kiss!
Yes, Fry. Plant one on your woman.
Um, let me think. Come and knock on
our door, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh. Uh,
[Mr Wong thumps the table.]
What's the hold up? Kiss my daughter
Wait, I'm confused. Now tell me, Fry,
which one of these ladies are you involved
[He hums the theme to Three's Company again. Enter Kif.]
Captain, may I have a word with you?
It's an emergency, sir.
Come back when it's a catasrophe.Oh,
[He leaves with Kif.]
Well, with Zapp gone and my parents
still here, I suggest Fry give me a
nice, convincing kiss.
Ah, now there's something we can all
[He and Amy kiss. Leela grunts and turns away.]
[Titanic Wheel Room. The comets outside fly very close to the
Sir, remember your course correction?
Well it's proving somewhat more suicidal
than we'd initially hoped.
Kif, old friend, I don't know which
disgusts me more: Your cowardice or
your stupidity! We'll simply set a new
course for that empty region over there.
Near that black-ish hole-ish thing.
[He points at the black-ish hole-ish thing and grins. Kif's jaw
[Titanic Deck. Fry emerges from a room. Leela is standing looking
over the railing.]
Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner?
I didn't run off. I had plenty of time
to finish eating and stroll away while
you were kissing Amy.
Oh, look, I'm not actually interested
in her if that's what's bothering you.
Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two
eyes, you have two eyes.
I know, we seem like a perfect match,
but I just don't feel that way about
[The Titanic drifts past a nebula.]
[They look down at the couples on the decks below: Hermes and
LaBarbara, Bender and the Countess, Mr and Mrs Wong, Dr Zoidberg
and a jellyfish thing and Farnsworth and Hattie.]
Look's like everybody's got somebody.
[They gaze into each other's eyes and lean in to kiss. The ship
shakes, Leela loses her balance, head butts Fry and they both
What was that?Oh, my God! We're heading
straight into a black hole.
Talk about a mood killer!
[Titanic Wheel Room.]
Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed
from the start. Nothing remains now
but for the captain to go down with
Why, that's surprisingly noble of you,
No, it's noble of you, Kif!As of now
...... you're in command. Congratulations,
[He runs off and hops into an escape pod and flies away. Kif
[Titanic Deck. People are running about in a panic. The crew
look at a map of the Titanic.]
OK. We just have to get from here to
the escape pods.
["Here" is the front of the ship. The escape pods are located
at the back. The map breaks is half and the ship itself begins
to tear in half.]
(shouting) I'm too young to die!
Come on, before its too late!
You all go without me. I'm gonna take
one last look around. You know, for,
uh, stuff to steal.
You're going back or the Countess, aren't
[Bender pulls Fry aside.]
(whispering) Alright, I am. But I don't
want the others to know. If I don't
come back, just say I died robbing some
I'll tell them you went out prying the
wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.
I love you, buddy!
[Bender hugs Fry then runs off.]
[Cut to: Titanic Casino. The fruit machines and tables are overturned,
fires burn and there is a huge hole in the middle of the floor.
Bender runs in to the room.]
(shouting) Countess? Countess?
Countess (shouting) Bender!
[Bender looks around and sees the Countess's hat by the hole.
He rushes over and peers into the hole. The Countess is trapped
in a burning room. She is huddled in a corner away from the flames.]
(shouting) I fell through the deck.
(shouting) Are you hurt, my sweet?
(shouting) No. Luckily a family broke
Just hang on! I'll take care of that
[He grabs a fire hose and jumps through the hole.]
[Cut to: Titanic Room. Bender lands in the middle of the room
and sprays the flames with water, extinguishing the fire. He
leaves the hose and hugs the Countess.]
Bender, you risked your life to save
And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third
time. But that would be it.When we
kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist
deep in a pool of cold, rising water.
[They both look down and see they are standing waist deep in
a pool of cold, rising water. They scream and shout as it gets
closer to their heads.]
[Titanic Corridor. The crew run around a corner. Fry is carrying
Farnsworth on his back.]
Hurry! The escape pods should be just
[There is a crash and the emergency airlock begins to close.
The crew rush forward to get under it. Zoidberg dives and wedges
his claw under it. It stops moving. Leela tries to lift it.]
It won't move. And the door release
is on the other side.
Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze
[Hermes steps forward.]
No one, except a legendary limbo champion.
[He tears his tux off, revealing his Earth team vest underneath.]
[Hermes leans back and his back creaks.]
Ooh! It's been a while.This one is
for that little kid who's limboing up
in heaven right now.
[LaBarbara pulls a food trolley in front of her and starts playing
a dish cover with some spoons. Hermes squeezes under the door.
The others cheer.]
That's my man, alright, baby, limbo!
I still got the moves! Zoidberg, lower
the door another inch.
Just go on through and hit the release,
you hot dog!
[The door slides up. They all cheer and rush through.]
That's my man!
Uh, can somebody help me up?
[Titanic Room. The water rises and completely covers the robots.
They stop screaming.]
Well, now what are we going to do?
Wait a second. Aren't you a member of
the yacht club?
By God, you're right! I'm a class-3
[A propellor comes out from under her. Bender hops on and they
rise to the surface.]
[Titanic Deck. Passengers are boarding the escape pods.]
Thank God there are plenty of escape
pods; We won't have to dress up like
women and children.
[He takes his hat off and throws his lolly down. He and the others
run into the escape pod. Leela and Fry stop outside.]
We can't leave yet. We've got to wait
for Bender. The high gravity must be
slowing down his looting.
[Amy's parents walk out onto the deck.]
Mom? Dad? You're alive!
Yeah but so what? The important thing
is we found you a new man.
Uh, Mom, I don't--Hi!
[Kif picks Amy up and carries her to the escape pod. They kiss.]
[Cut to: Escape Pod. The ship begins to twist and distort.]
I don't feel well!
[His head twists around like a squishy goo.]
[Cut to: Titanic Deck. Fry points at something in space.]
Look! It's our nebula. Whenever I see
it I'll think back to that moment when
we almost--Never mind!
[Hermes pokes his head out of the escape pod.]
Everyone else is off the ship. Where
in Babylon is Bender?
I don't know. But we can't wait any
[She gets into the pod and Fry follows. He looks back at the
[He closes the hatch. Bender and the Countess run out of the
(shouting) Wait for us!
[The escape pod lifts off and the airlock between it and the
Titanic deck seals. Bender and the Countess leap from the deck,
smashing through the glass airlock.]
[Cut to: Outside Escape Pod. Bender and the Countess float towards
the pod and Bender reaches out his hand.]
[Cut to: Escape pod. It rocks as Bender grabs hold. Everyone
is sat along the length of the pod and Leela steers.]
Something's wrong. We're two metric
Well, its not me!
[Fry looks out of the airlock window.]
[Everyone looks out the window to see Bender and the Countess.
[Cut to: Outside Escape Pod. The Titanic creaks and is sucked
into the black hole. The escape pod starts to drift back towards
I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too
[She slips from Bender's grasp but he grabs on to her bracelet.
It's all that holds them together. She screams.]
I can't live without you. If you let
go, I let go!
No! You have too much to live for. It
may hurt for a while but one day you'll
share your love again. After all, it's
Don't talk like that. Tragic romances
always have a happy ending.
[The bracelet snaps and the Countess falls towards the black
[The black hole sucks her in.]
[Cut to: Escape Pod. Bender walks in and closes the airlock behind
But she saved all our lives. Without
her, we're light enough to get away.
[Bender slams his head against the airlock and cries.]
Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows
what happens in a black hole. It's possible
she's still alive in another dimension
somewhere. Right, Professor?
Oh, yes, absolutely!Not a chance!
[He draws his finger across his neck and mimes being hung.]
At least I'll always have her bracelet!
What do you think it's worth?
[Hermes takes a look at it.]
It's fake, mon!
[Bender cries as the the pod flies away into space.]