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Я спасу себя! (64)
ACV: Есть посадка! | The Series Has LandedАвтор сценария: Ken Keeler
Режиссёр: Peter Avanzino
"THE SERIES HAS LANDED"
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Bender and Leela sit around
a big green table facing a big screen which Farnsworth stands
in front of.]
As new employees I'd like your opinion
on our commercial. I paid to have it
air during the Superbowl.
Not on the same channel, of course.
[He puts a tiny video into the VCR and the commercial appears
on the screen. A man is sat in his office and a huge green horrible
gelatinous blob with three eyes is in front of him.]
Interplanetary deliveries - what a
Uh... (shouting) I'm not Evans!
[Horrible Gelatinous Blob turns to the camera.]
When those other companies aren't brave
or foolhardy enough to go, trust Planet
Express for reliable, on time delivery.
[As the announcer speaks the Planet Express ship streaks across
the screen being chased by spaceships shooting lasers at it.
A man runs across an ice world with a parcel while at the same
time being bombed. He delivers the parcel and is snatched by
a gigantic vulture. Back in the office Evans lifts up a parcel.]
Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous
[He eats Evans anyway.]
Thank you, sir!
[The Planet Express logo - a simplified picture of the ship flying
across a white circle with "Planet Express" written around it
- appears on the screen.]
Planet Express: Our crew is replaceable.
Your package isn't.
[The bird is still carrying the man and squawks. The commercial
Are there really giant birds like that?
No, no! That was all just special effects!
Now let's have breakfast. I hope everyone
[Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. Farnsworth opens a box of eggs.
They are giant bird eggs. One hatches and the bird inside tries
to eat him. He hits it with a frying pan.]
[Opening Credits. Caption: In Hypno-Vision.]
[Outside Planet Express. A Jamaican man with dreads crosses the
street. He is wearing a green suit and glasses. He unlocks the
door and turns the open sign around from "Sorry, We're Closed"
to "Sorry, We're Open".]
[Cut to: Planet Express. Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Farnsworth
and Leela are sat around the table. Fry pours some cereal into
a bowl, Bender relaxes and Leela looks at a clipboard.]
I'm never going to get used to the 31st
century.Caffinated bacon? Baconated
grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Well, if you don't like that try some
[She holds up a box of the cereal. Enter the Jamaican man with
a large crate.]
Ah, Hermes! Crew, meet Hermes Conrad.
He manages my delivery business, pays
the bills, notifies next of kin, what
Someone come and dropped this package
through the slot last night. Now which
one of you is the captain?
Oh, my! I haven't picked a new captain
yet. It's always so hard to choose.
[He looks around the table. Fry is so enthusiastic he doesn't
manage to swallow his spoonful of cereal completely and milk
dribbles down his chin.]
[Farnsworth looks at Bender who drinks back a bottle of beer
and belches a flame. He looks at Leela. She has already signed
Hermes' clipboard and she salutes to him.]
[He points at her. Fry groans.]
[Planet Express: Hermes' Office. Hermes sits at his desk facing
Leela. He slides a sheet of paper to her.]
OK, Captain, this is just a standard
legal release protecting Planet Express
from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.
[He hands Leela a piece of paper.]
(reading) Death by airlock failure.
(reading) Death by brain parasite.
(reading) Death by sonic diarrhoea?
(chuckling) Oh, you don't want that!
Look, I don't know about any of your
previous captains but I intend to do
as little dying as possible.
[She puts the form on the desk and Hermes chuckles again. He
slides it back to her.]
Sign the paper!
[Planet Express: Corridor. Farnsworth and Fry stand next to a
Now Fry, before you go into space you'll
need to see our staff doctor. I should
warn you though, he's a little unusual.
(whispering) He wears sandals!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. The doctor, a red
alien creature is sat in his chair with is feet on the desk.
Behind him is a chart of a human's internal organs - pinned to
the wall upside down.]
Hi -- eurgh!
Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery
boy. He needs a physical.
[He clacks his claws. Fry is not so sure.]
You'll be fine.
[He turns to leave but looks back with a worried look on his
Now open your mouth and let's have a
look at that brain.No no no no no
not that mouth!
I only have one.
[He takes a small card out of his pocket and looks at it.]
Uh, is there a human doctor around?
Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.
Now pick a mouth, open it and say...
What? My mother was a saint! Get out!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth is unscrewing Bender's
head from his body. With them is Leela and a young Asian woman
wearing a pink jumpsuit.]
Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.
Yeah, like you don't have crap in your
[Farnsworth puts Bender's head down on a table and turns to the
Amy, why don't you give his body a going
over with the cleaning pick?
OK. Does it hurt when I go like this?
[She pokes Bender's neck but hits Leela in the eye instead.]
Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy
as a crab. Can I go into space now?
As soon as we finish cleaning Bender.
Oh, and Fry, this is our intern, Amy
Wong. She's an engineering student of
mine. (whispering) I like having her
around because she's the same blood
type as me.
Hey! You're the unfrozen guy! From the
20th century, right?
(chuffed) Last time I checked.
Hang on. Amy Wong? Of the Mars Wongs?
Look. We're not as rich as everybody
Uh-huh! What sorority do you belong
(ashamed) Kappa Kappa Wong.
Hey, rich girl. Look over here! It's
me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.
(singing) La la la look at my head.
It's all painted look at my head! I
got a big old head, hey! Ho! (talking)
Alright, show's over, I'm tired.
Ah, to be young again. And also a robot!
Now as I recall you youngsters have
a package to deliver.
Finally! Come on Bender, let's mosey!
[He picks up Bender's head and throws it to his body. It misses
the catch and Bender's head falls on the floor.]
Nice catch, idiot!
[Planet Express: Hangar. The crate is being loaded into the ships
cargo bay on a magnetic winch. It is addressed to Luna Park.]
So where are we going anyway?
Nowhere special. The moon.
The moon? The moon moon? Wow! I'm gonna
be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong
and those other brave guys no one ever
Oh, I love stuff like the moon! Can
I come, Leela?
Well...I guess so. Just be careful.
I'd like to hold off any major screwups
until at least my second day as captain.
Nothing will go wrong.(whispering)
If something goes wrong bring back the
[Ships Cockpit. Bender and Amy are sat on the couch. Leela sits
in the pilot's seat while Fry sits in a chair beside her. She
presses some buttons.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The tilting mechanism comes
out of the floor and pushes the ship into its 45-degree launch
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The hangar roof slides open.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry scoots his chair over to Leela.]
Can I do the countdown?
Huh? Oh sure, knock yourself out.
OK we're here!
Fry; (awestruck) Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff!
[The ship cruises towards the moon and flies through a hole in
a dome on the surface.]
[Cut to: Outside Luna Park. The ship lands.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Leela takes the keys out of the ignition
and Fry gets out of his seat and heads for the door.]
Hurry up, I wanna see the moon!
Relax, its open till 9.
[Cut to: Outside Ship. Fry stands on the bottom step.]
That's one small step for Fry --
And one giant line for admission!
[The man is standing in a long queue for the Luna Park, a huge
Disneyland-like place with moon-themed rides.]
Wow!Um, can I have cuts?
Hmm -- No!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry runs in.]
You're not gonna believe this but they
landed an amusement park on the moon!
Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting
Lets go, already!
[They walk towards the door but Leela is blocking it.]
Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Let's just dump it in the sewer and
say we delivered it.
Too much work. Lets burn it and say
we dumped it in the sewer.
OK, if everyone's finished being stupid
I had more but you go ahead.
We'll deliver that crate like professionals
and then we'll go home.
But I've never been to the moon before.
Alright. We'll deliver that crate like
professionals...and then we'll go ride
the bumper cars.Amy, why don't you
help Fry hoist down the crate. Then
lock up when you're done. Just be careful.
[She hands the keys to Amy.]
Aye, aye, Captain! I mean only one eye.
I mean, yes, sir, um, ma'am!
[Ships Cargo Bay. Fry stands next to the crate by the open bomb
bay doors while Amy stands at the magnetic winch control station.]
Ready to hoist?
[Amy presses a button and the winch drops and hits her on the
[The magnetic forces pull the keys out of her pocket. She tries
again and the winch picks up the crate. The keys slip off the
winch and through a hole in the crate.]
[Outside Luna Park Receiving Depot. Fry wheels the crate towards
the room on a trolley. Amy follows.]
My first space delivery.
[Cut to: Luna Park Receiving Depot. A lazy man named Sal is sat
at a desk with his feet up. Enter Fry.]
Uh, greetings, Moon Man, we come in
peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd
punch you in the stomach.
But you are lazy, right?
Oh, don't get me started.
[Luna Park: Moon Street USA. The crew walk past a band of bandbots
that are shaped like musical instruments, past a Moonvenirs stall.
Bender stops and takes a bottle out of his chest cabinet and
a mascot with a huge flat moon shaped head runs up behind him.]
Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna
Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol,
Better mascots than you have tried.
[He finishes the bottle and jabs it in Crater Face's eye making
it look like a scene from A Trip To The Moon. He leaves..]
At least I still have my self respect!
[He chuckles to himself then cries.]
[Time Lapse. At a souvenir stall they merchandise such as "I'm
With Stupid On The Moon" t-shirts, "My Other Car Is A Porsche
- On The Moon" bumper stickers and "What Part Of MOON Don't You
Understand?" fridge magnets. Leela scoffs.]
Who buys this trash?
Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.
[Fry emerges from around the corner wearing one of the t-shirts
and carrying magnets.]
Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.
[He puts one on Bender's head causing Bender's pupils to dilate
and an electrical surge in his head. He starts waving his arms
around in a panic.]
Get it off! Get it off! Get it -- uh
oh!(singing) How many roads must a
man walk down, before you... (talking)
Keep those things off of me! Magnets
screw up my inhibition unit!
So you flip out and start acting like
some crazy folk singer?
Yes. I guess a robot would have to be
crazy to wanna be a folk singer.
[He gazes upwards sadly.]
[Luna Park: Whalers Of The Sea Of Tranquility. The gang float
through an It's A Small World After All-like ride passing by
(singing) We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
But there ain't no whales so we tell our tall tale
And sing our whaling tune!
[A Whalerbot tilting on a barrel waves to Bender.]
Bender, hey, Bender! Over here!
[Bender covers his face and turns away.]
Oh, jeez, I went to high school with
[Luna Park: Goophy Gopher Revue. The audience sit patiently for
the show to begin.]
Monsanto presents: The Goophy Gopher
[On a small stage several robotic gophers pop out of crater-shaped
Why does a moon rock taste better than
an Earth rock?
Because it's a little meteor!
[The gophers laugh.]
This is weak!
Address all complaints to the Monsanto
[Luna Park. The crew get some candy floss from an Orlon Candy
stall and carry on walking around the park. Fry looks unhappy.]
What's wrong, Fry?
I don't know. This place is great and
all but its just so artificial. The
gravity, the air, the gophers. You might
as well stay on Earth.That's what
I came to see! I wanna go out there
and jump around like an astronaut. Screw
this phoney stuff!
But the phoney stuff is what's fun.
It's boring out there.
Yeah! You're the kind of guy who visits
Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the
Maybe I should take Fry on the Luna
Rover ride. You get to wear a space
suit and drive around on the surface.
And the line's short because it's educational.
I don't care how educational it is.
Let's do it!
[He runs off with Leela. Bender raises his bottle.]
(shouting) Next year in Jerusalem!
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. Fry and Leela sit in a moon buggy
wearing orange spacesuits.]
Finally! Get ready for some serious
[They go through some doors.]
(voice-over) The story of lunar exploration
started with one man. A man with a dream.
[The ride continues to a room with animatronic versions of the
leads from The Honeymooners.]
One of these days, Alice. Bang! Zoom!
Straight to the moon!
Wow, I never realised the first astronauts
were so fat!
That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian.
And he was just using space travel as
a metaphor for beating his wife.
[Luna Park Arcade. Amy is playing Virtual Virtual Skeeball, a
virtual version of Virtual Skeeball. She just sits in a chair
wearing a VR helmet.]
Wow! I could swear I was really playing
[She takes the helmet off.]
Look, it's that crate we were gonna
throw in the sewer.
[He points to Sal who is emptying the crate into a claw machine
using a robot arm around his waist. They watch as the ship keys
fall out of the crate and into the machine. Amy gasps.]
The keys to the ship!They must have
fallen into the crate! Leela's gonna
Nah. She'll probably make me do it.
Mister? Could you please get those keys
out for me?
What do I look like? A guy who's not
[Amy gets a coin out and plays the game. The claw grabs the keys
but drops them on the way back up and she curses in Chinese.]
[Luna Park: Destination Moon. The moon buggy continues across
lunar terrain, boxed in with poorly constructed walls with stars
painted on them.]
(voice-over) No one knows where, when
or how Man first landed on the moon...
(voice-over) ...but our fungineers think
it might have happened something like
[A prop of a lunar landing module opens up and Whalerbots file
out of it.]
(singing) We're whalers on the moon,
[Goophy Gophers pop up from craters.]
(singing) We carry a harpoon,
(singing) ...and sing a whaling tune.
We're whalers on the moon...
That's not how it happened.
Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering
This is stupid. I'm taking this thing
out to the real moon.
Fry, no. This is my first mission and
I'm not gonna let us get in any trouble.
Besides, the car's on a track.
Not for long!
[He grabs a harpoon, throws it in front of the buggy and derails
it. It drives over a whalerbot and out onto the open lunar surface.]
Ooh aah! I died doin' what I loved.
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry drives the car around grinning.]
OK, you're on the surface. Now I'll
give you 10 minutes. Then you'll get
bored, turn around and apologise for
being such a jerk. Agreed?
Agreed.Yee-haw! Woo! Yeah! Crank up
[He turns the radio on.]
We're whalers on the -
[He turns it off straight away.]
[Time Lapse. Fry drives around another crater.]
Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next
No not yet. How 'bout we go look for
the original moon landing site?
That's crazy! It's been lost for centuries!
Well I'm feelin' lucky!Uh... I'm ready
to go back now.
We're gonna die! It's every man for
himself!Help me, Leela!You did it!
No. Now we're gonna die.
[The gauge on the oxygen canister reads nearly empty.]
It's every man for himself.
[He tries to run off but chokes himself on the oxygen pipe from
[Luna Park: Arcade. Amy is still trying to get the keys but the
claw drops them again. Enter Bender with a small doll.]
Hey, look what I won from a tourist's
Shut up. You're distracting me.
Come on, it's just like making love.
Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees,
I know how to make love!
[The claw drops the keys again. Amy sighs.]
Here, let me do it.Ah, lousy arm.
Must be rigged!That's her, officers!
Uh, that's the woman who programmed
me for evil!
[He runs off with his extended arm trailing behind him and the
Moon Patrol chase him.]
[Cut to: Outside Lunar Park Dome. The Moon Patrol officers throw
Bender outside the dome and close the doors behind him.]
Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own
theme park, with blackjack and hookers.
In fact, forget the park!
[Lunar Surface. An exhausted Fry and Leela continue their journey
back to the park.]
(gasping) I'm sorry, Leela, I can't
go on any further. Just leave me to
die in that barn over there.
[Leela gasps. Fry is pointing to a farm in a dome.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. Fry and Leela run in and take off their space
[Behind them a gun cocks. They turn around and see a farmer.
He has a buck tooth and a cap that says "The Moon Shall Rise
No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.
Ooh, that's a wicked sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's
OK, but the rest is mighty wicked.
Our car broke down and we're out of
oxygen. Can we borrow some?
Huh, borry? Looky here, city girl, oxygen
don't grow on trees. You'll have to
earn it doing chores on my hydroponic
farm. You can go back to your precious
theme park at sun up.
I guess we could do chores for a few
Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.
Yup. Drops down to -173!
Fahrenheit or Celsius?
First one, then th'other. And them spacesuits
ain't a-heated so you ain’t goin' nowhere
til sunrise. You can sleep in the barn.
Just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful
robot daughters. Y'hear?
[He points to his robot daughters outside the house.]
This here is Lulabelle 7.
And the Crushinator.
[The Crushinator is a huge pink thing with tracks instead of
(mechanical voice) Yoo-hoo.
[Barn. Fry and Leela are milking some cows.]
I told you to turn around and go back
to the park. But oh, no, the park was
too phoney. We had to see the real moon.
And it was great! We got to see craters
and rocks and that one incredible rock
that looked like a crater and, and these
[He pats the cow, which isn't a cow but some sort of insect-bovine
creature called a buggalo.]
Fry, face it. The moon is a dump. It's
a boring dried up wasteland. And the
only reason anybody ever comes here
is for the tacky little amusement park.
Can't you just accept that?
I guess I can't.
[They hear a shot from outside. They look through the transparent
barn doors and see Bender running out of the farmhouse.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. The farmer chases him out of the house waving
I'll learn ye to sleep with my robot
[Bender runs into the barn.]
[Cut to: Barn. He leans against the transparent door. Outside
the farmer reloads his gun.]
He'll never find me in here.
Oh, Bender. You didn't touch the Crushinator,
Of course not. A lady that fine you
gotta romance first.
[Another gunshot smashes the barn door behind Bender. Bender
legs it while the farmer reloads. Fry and Leela follow him through
another door. They pick up their helmets as they run.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. They grab some oxygen tanks and get into the
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The buggy speeds away from the farm.
The farmer, in a spacesuit but with his cap sat on top, Lulabelle
7 and Daisy-Mae 128K run after them. The farmer fires a shot
at them and misses.]
Oh, no you don't! C'mere Crushinator.
[Crushinator drives out of the farm and pulls up beside him.]
(mechanical voice) Yes, Pa.
[She transforms into a car. The farmer and his other two daughters
get in and drive after Fry, Leela and Bender. They chase the
crew around past craters and through ravines. The farmer takes
a shot at the crew and narrowly misses them. The crew round a
corner and find their way blocked by a rock bridge.]
It's too low.
Hang on. Hang on. Jump.Hold on to
[They jump the gorge, flying over crocodiles with space helmets
and land safely on the other side. They all cheer and then a
wheel falls off the buggy. The Crushintor approaches the other
side and stops. The farmer climbs out and slams the door.]
God darn, it Crushinator, jump!
(mechanical voice) No, Pa. I love him.
[The farmer takes his hat off and jumps on it, groaning. Leela
looks at the broken wheel and Fry sees a huge shadow approaching.]
Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon!
Nightfall's coming.Hurry, before we
[The flee from the shadow.]
What do you mean "we", mammal?
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He watches the crew
through a telescope.]
Oh, dear! I really ought to do something.
But I am already in my pyjamas.
[He falls asleep and starts snoring.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry and Leela are panting.]
We can't outrun it forever.
[Fry sees something.]
Over there! Look! It's the moon landing
site! We found it!
[They run towards it. Leela climbs the ladder and pushes over
Quick, get in.
[Fry sees the American flag.]
It's that flag from MTV! And Neil Armstrong's
footprint!Hey! My foot's bigger! Leela,
isn't this the greatest thing you've
Fry, look around. It's just a crummy
plastic flag and a dead man's tracks
in the dust.Now get in here before
[Fry sighs and climbs the ladder.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander. Leela helps him in.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. She closes the door just as Bender arrives.]
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I'll
go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack
and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar
lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw
the whole thing.
[He walks off.]
[Apollo 11 Lander. Leela reads the oxygen gauge.]
Well if the oxygen holds out we might
live long enough to starve to death.
Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should
have dragged you out here.
That's right, you shouldn't have. I
still don't get what the big attraction
I never told anybody this but a thousand
years ago I used to look up at the moon
and dream about being an astronaut.
I just didn't have the grades. Nor the
physical endurance. Plus I threw up
a lot and nobody liked spending a week
A week would be a little much.
The moon was like this awesome, romantic,
mysterious thing, hanging up there in
the sky where you could never reach
it, no matter how much you wanted to.
But you're right. Once you're actually
here it's just a big dull rock. I guess
I just wanted you to see it through
my eyes, the way I used to.
[Leela looks through a window. She sees the Earth.]
Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I
don't know why I never noticed before.
[Bender runs towards the capsule.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The farmer is chasing him in a weird
thing with spikes.]
Had to come back for the Crushinator,
eh, robot? Well I got you this time.
[The spikes get closer to Bender. The Planet Express ship swoops
in above them. The magnetic winch lowers towards Bender.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander.]
It's Amy! We're saved!
Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the
controls like that?
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy is operating the winch expertly,
having had practice at the Luna Park with the claw game. The
toys from the game are piled up in the corner.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The winch is getting closer to Bender.]
Not the magnet! No! No! Nooo --Uh-oh!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy cheers.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Bender kicks his legs and waves his arms
around as he flies away from the farmer attached to the winch.]
(singing) She'll be comin' round the
mountain when she comes,
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes --
(talking) I'll kill you Amy!
(singing) She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin' --
[He slams into the side of the lunar lander and it takes off.
The farmer watches the ship fly away and takes off his space
helmet and jumps on it.]
Aww, dang it!
[He starts to choke then collapses. He reaches over to the helmet
and puts it back on and breathes. Bender, still attached to the
side of the lander, carries on singing.]
(singing) She'll be riding six white
horses when she comes,
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes -
(talking) Hey, I'm pretty good!
(singing) She'll be riding six white horses...
So, Fry, was the real moon anything
like the moon you used to dream about?
Well, close enough!
Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun
when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
In the world!
(shouting) One more time!